Should we think before we speak

Most of us are familiar with the phrase “A donkey never kicks the same stone twice”. While this might be true, there are plenty of other stones for the donkey to kick. The road of life is basically full of stones. The big ones are easy to see and avoid, but it’s the little ones that trip us up. So do we kick the same stone twice?

I know I have. Time and time again I resolve to think before I speak, but that’s not always possible. In every day conversation, people don’t usually think about what they’re going to say. Someone says something and we respond spontaneously. It’s only later on that we come to the conclusion … I shouldn’t have said that.

By then the damage is done and even apologizing doesn’t help. The words are spoken, someone has heard them and might never forget them. If we had a moment to think, we probably would have said something totally different, but we didn’t, the words flew out of our mouth and … another stone was kicked.

When this happens to me I often think … if only conversation was like to written word. I could go back, erase what was said or rephrase it.

Not that having time to think is always the solution. There have been times that I had plenty of time to think, and I still made the mistake of saying things I wish I could erase.

Take last night for instance. I had a meeting with the Board of Directors of our condo building, a representative of management and a resident, all in all it was seven against one.

I knew right from the start that I didn’t stand a chance. I should have stood up and made a graceful exit, but I didn’t. I had come to the meeting and I was going to state my case. Without any proof it was very difficult to make any of my claims stick, and like I said … it was seven against one.

So I sat there, shaking with rage, my heart hammering in my chest. While inside I was seething, I held it together though, I appeared reasonably calm.

Of course, this reasonably calm exterior only lasted so long. There came a time when I was pushed beyond my limits and like a pan of milk that had been simmering for a while, I suddenly boiled over and let fly.

Do I regret my outburst … on the one hand yes, because anger reveals weakness, but on the other hand … it felt so good, it felt so good to finally have my say and see the smug smile slide off seven faces.

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The Couple Next Door – Shari Lapena

I was quite surprised to see that Shari Lapena worked as a lawyer and an English teacher and wrote two award-winning literary novels.

‘The Couple Next Door’ her suspense debut is written in a strange childlike voice. I got the feeling that the story was written by a 16-year-old. 

The characters aren’t very sympathetic. Anne was once a beautiful, smart woman who used to work in an art gallery but who let her figure and her career go down the drain after she had a baby.

In a time when women juggle a successful career and motherhood, this is not exactly a woman role model. Does Lapena send the subtle message that a woman’s place is in the home, taking care of her child? Is she pointing an accusing finger at women who keep their identity? Has she never heard of a gym and home exercises?

Not only that, Anne suffers from postpartum depression and has a history of violence. Patches in time she later on has no recollection of.

Her husband Marco is equally unsympathetic. When Anne met Marco she was a society girl and he was a boy from the wrong side of the tracks. Marrying into money opened doors and possibilities for him, but he’s basically a loser who doesn’t have a head for business. All he has going for him are his looks and his in-laws money. Is it any wonder that Anne’s parents dislike him?

When the couple leaves their three-month-old baby at home while they attend a dinner party next door, more than one woman will cringe at the irresponsibility of it. What parents in their right mind leave a baby alone at home? When the baby is kidnapped parents the world over might think … serves them right.

Of course, if the baby hadn’t been left alone, there wouldn’t be a story. The couple would come home after the dinner party, find the baby sleeping in her cot, and all would be well. As it is, the baby is gone, the parents are frantic and the police gets involved.

Anyone with half a brain has this story almost immediately figured out. The reader might not know the details but knows who the kidnapper is and why.

All in all, as with so many books that were introduced with a great hype, I found the story disappointing.

I gave the book a three-star rating because I didn’t exactly hate it, but I didn’t love it either. It was all a bit too simple and childlike written.

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Bald and Beautiful

I found myself among a group of cancer patients the other day, waiting for their radiation treatment. The environment was just perfect. Deep, comfy armchairs, discreetly lit giant fish tanks, juice and salty crackers on coffee tables, all in the most perfect temperature (not too hot, not too cold).

While there was a big screen TV mounted to the wall, nobody paid any attention to it. Most of the people were reading, doing a crossword puzzle, or talking to a companion.

A short distance away from me were two women, one wearing a baseball cap, presumably to hide her bald head. She had a rather teary conversation with the woman next to her. She wasn’t talking and then crying, she was doing both at the same time. Nobody listened openly, but I think everyone felt sorry for her. She projected such misery. Her conversation partner didn’t say much other than “I’m so sorry,” and “I wish I could help.”

More patients came and went, some men, some women, some looking normal, others wearing a scarf or a baseball cap after chemo treatment. One or two were in a wheelchair, others walked but looked so down they were obviously having a rough time.

The room was getting downright depressing when in came a woman, I guessed her to be in her late 30s early 40s, sporting sunglasses on her bald head.

She walked purposefully, with a bounce in her step, and a smile on her face that lit up the room. While I know it’s not polite to stare at someone, I found myself doing just that, fascinated by this woman. She positively radiated joy and a zest for life. I admired her. While most women hid their baldness under scarves, caps or wigs, she obviously had no problem with her hairless appearance. And it suited her. She was the embodiment of bald and beautiful.

With a variety of chairs to choose from, she positioned herself opposite the teary woman and started speaking to her. She said how much she admired her, how she faithfully read the blog the woman was writing and how much support it had given her. She didn’t speak in hushed tones, neither did she shout, but her clear voice carried all through the room.

I doubted very much that this woman needed support. She didn’t look like the kind who needed cheering up, but it worked. Within no time the woman dried her tears, put her tissue away and was visibly feeling better.

Not only that, those who had been talking quietly were listening, those who had been struggling with a crossword puzzle had their pens hovering over the paper, and those who had been reading had their book or Kindle in their lap.

I guess we were all thinking the same thing … what an amazing woman!

When the radiation technician came for her, she rose from her chair, wished her conversation partner all the best, bestowed a glowing smile on the technician and disappeared from the room.

I took away two things … being bald doesn’t have to be embarrassing and while sympathy is fine, expressing admiration is often more effective than feeling sorry for someone.

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The Woman in Cabin 10 - Part II

Yesterday I sang the praises of ‘The Woman in Cabin 10.’ However, to be perfectly honest, after finishing the book I had a few questions. Part of the story made no sense to me, leaving me guessing whether the author had made a mistake. (For the sake of future readers I’d rather don’t go into too much detail).

I went online, searching if someone else had picked up on these ‘mistakes’, but couldn’t find anything.

Desperate for answers I looked up Ruth Ware on Facebook and sent her a message. I didn’t actually expect her to answer, very few authors do. At best you get an automated reply, thanking you for your feedback. But I was going to give it a shot anyway.

Much to my surprise, Ms. Ware did reply and not just a one-liner, but a thorough explanation of what I had perceived as a mistake.

Even with her explanation though, I still didn’t quite get it, so I asked for further clarification, and moments later that’s exactly what I got. Ms. Ware even went as far as apologizing that she hadn’t spelled out the details more clearly.

I’m quite sure Ms. Ware is not to blame. It was me, this is what happens when I read until all hours of the night. My eyes fly over the lines, eager to know what happens next, and in the process some details escape my attention.

Then again, my Kindle might be to blame. By clicking next page, it’s very easy to skip a page. While fully alert, one might pick up on that skip, but who – at 2:00 in the morning – is alert enough to notice such a detail.

So, not only did ‘The Woman in Cabin 10’ impress me, Ms. Ware impressed me even more. She doesn’t act as the grand dame of literature, but rather as an average woman who doesn’t consider herself too posh to respond to a reader’s question.

Next up, ‘In a Dark, Dark Wood’ also by Ruth Ware. I’m only 17 pages into the story, but I can already tell … my nightlight will stay on long after midnight. 

The Woman in Cabin 10

Every avid reader has their favorite authors. For me that’s Erica James, Penny Vincenzi, Lesley Pearce, Joy Fielding, to name but a few. When I need something to read, I check out those names first because I know their stories won’t disappoint.

However, since my favorite authors seem to be in hibernation, as they had nothing new on the shelves, I had to look for something else.

For me this is always a gamble, as I’ve tried quite a few authors over the years whose book I tossed aside after a few pages, wondering how the heck this got published in the first place.

My latest gamble was ‘The Woman in Cabin 10’ by Ruth Ware.

I liked the look of the book (goes to show that some people do judge a book by its cover), while the synopsis seemed promising.

In this tightly wound, enthralling story reminiscent of Agatha Christie’s works, Lo Blacklock, a journalist who writes for a travel magazine, has just been given the assignment of a lifetime: a week on a luxury cruise with only a handful of cabins. The sky is clear, the waters calm, and the veneered, select guests jovial as the exclusive cruise ship, the Aurora, begins her voyage in the picturesque North Sea. At first, Lo’s stay is nothing but pleasant: the cabins are plush, the dinner parties are sparkling, and the guests are elegant. But as the week wears on, frigid winds whip the deck, gray skies fall, and Lo witnesses what she can only describe as a dark and terrifying nightmare: a woman being thrown overboard. The problem? All passengers remain accounted for—and so, the ship sails on as if nothing has happened, despite Lo’s desperate attempts to convey that something (or someone) has gone terribly, terribly wrong…

With surprising twists, spine-tingling turns, and a setting that proves as uncomfortably claustrophobic as it is eerily beautiful, Ruth Ware offers up another taut and intense read in The Woman in Cabin 10—one that will leave even the most sure-footed reader restlessly uneasy long after the last page is turned.

‘The Woman in Cabin 10’ carried no less than 402 reviews on Amazon, but I’d rather didn’t read them. For one, many amateur reviewers give away part of the story without a spoiler alert warning, and two … I put little or no stock in other people’s opinion. After all, what’s good for the goose is not necessarily good for the gander.

I made the mistake of starting ‘The Woman in Cabin 10’ shortly after midnight. I was only going to read for ten minutes or so, but before I knew it, it was 2:00 a.m.

I resolved not to read that late again, but the next night it was 2:30 before I turned the light off.

Near the end of the book going to sleep was not an option, I had to know how the story ended.

So, if you’re planning on reading ‘The Woman in Cabin 10’, prepare to turn page after page, wondering what will happen next. Prepare to chew your lips and bite your nails.

I gave ‘The Woman in Cabin 10’ a five-star rating.

Adult Coloring Books by Cynthia Kloeter

Are you coloring yet? While some people consider coloring a kids’ activity, millions of others disagree and have taken to coloring like ducks to water.

Publishers of these books couldn’t be happier and state that these books are flying off the shelves. That they’ve never seen anything like it. While adult coloring has been around for years, in recent months it has exploded into something anyone and everyone wants to be a part of. One publisher stated that one of the books is in its 16^th reprint.

Other artists prefer not to enlist the help of a traditional publisher and self-publish their work. And why not, they have creative freedom and don’t have to share the profits with an agent and a publisher.

One such artist is my friend Cynthia Kloeter and you can find all her coloring books on Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_2_12?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=cynthia+kloeter+coloring+books&sprefix=cynthia+kloe%2Cstripbooks%2C155&rh=n%3A283155%2Ck%3Acynthia+kloeter+coloring+books

Whether you like flowers, eggs, gems or garden designs, Cynthia has you covered.

What many like about Cynthia’s work is the size of her works. Her drawings are big with bold lines, perfect for people who have less than 20/20 vision.

In Cynthia’s own words, about “The Power of Flowers” …

The perfect book to help you relax and heal your soul through the use of relaxing coloring. This book is suitable for all ages and skill levels. The ideal book for art therapy. This book contains 30 easy to color design. They also are perfect for those wishing to enrich their shading & blending skills. Perfect for markers as each design is printed single sided. There is also a Protection Page that can be torn out and used between the pages to prevent marker bleed. Color testing page added at the back of the book. All illustrations are hand drawn.

Whether you’re a man or a woman, 21 or 81, an accomplished colorist, a beginner, or looking for an original present (Christmas is coming up) … have a look at Cynthia’s work and you too might find peace and relaxation in coloring.

These are some of her finished creations …

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The Husband's Secret. Liane Moriarty doesn't care if she offends her readers. Contains Spoilers

When amateur writers seek the advice of professionals on how to write a good story they invariably are told to:

Have an attention grabbing opening to the story;

To show rather than tell; and

To pay close attention to spelling and grammar

In my opinion, there should be a fourth piece of advice … give the story a good ending.

I recently read “The Husband’s Secret” and while the story was good, the ending was so disturbing that I will never read another book of Liane Moriarty again.

In The Husband’s Secret we first meet Cecilia, model wife of Jean-Paul, mother of three girls, and perfect housekeeper, who one day finds a letter her husband has written many years ago, in which he confesses to murdering a 17-year old girl.

We also meet Tess, wife of Will, mother and successful business woman who discovers that her husband is having an affair with her best friend.

Finally, there’s Rachel, a widow and mother of the murdered girl.

While Cecilia knows of the murder, and is deeply shocked, after reading the letter, she does nothing.

Once Tess finds out of her husband’s infidelity, she takes her son and runs home to her mother. Once there she meets an old boyfriend, Connor, with whom she has mind blowing sex.

Rachel works as an administrator in a primary school where Cecilia’s daughters and Tess’ son go to school and have Connor as a PE teacher. She is convinced that Connor killed her daughter, but lacks any proof.

The story babbles on and it’s quite enjoyable until the end.

Seeing how the police refuses to arrest Connor, after Rachel presented them with a new piece of (weak) evidence, she is going to take matters into her own hands.

During an Easter Sunday drive, she spots Connor crossing the street and floors the accelerator. Only Connor gets out of the way and she hits Cecilia’s youngest daughter, whose right arm has to be amputated.

When later she learns that it was actually Cecilia’s husband who murdered her daughter she decides not to report this to the police. He strangled her daughter, while she is responsible for a girl losing her right arm, so that makes them even.

(In a sort of epilogue the author mentions that the amputee girl will never get the chance to play tennis. I guess Liane Moriarty has never heard of John McEnroe, Jimmy Connors and Andres Gomez who were all left handed tennis champions.)

As for Tess … she gets a visit from her husband, who states that having an affair wasn’t quite as much fun after she left the house, and he wants her back. Even though Will is a frumpy, overweight, hairy man, who is unable to satisfy her sexually, she takes him back without a second thought to Connor, the gorgeous ex-boyfriend, PE teacher, who sent her to the moon and back with orgasms.

I guess Tess has never heard the saying … once a cheater, always a cheater. Several women will tell her that, once a man has eaten the green grass on the other side, sooner or later he will go back for another nibble.

Not only that, Tess finds herself pregnant with another child. Is it Will’s or is it Connor’s … she claims she will never know. Has Liane Moriarty never heard of DNA testing?

The marriage is clearly in trouble, but Tess thinks that another baby will make Will stay put. Not only is this naïve, it’s irresponsible.

As for Cecilia … she knows that her husband is a murderer but she will do nothing. She loves her husband and that’s that. She will continue to keep the house clean, do the laundry, do the cooking and now busy herself with her research on arm prosthesis and will be that.

The moral of the story …

Once you’re married and have kid, your happiness is of no importance. It’s all about the kid, let the kid not lose his father because then you’ll ruin his life.

(What kind of message does this send to desperately unhappy women? You don’t matter and put up with anything and everything? What about divorced women, are they supposed to feel guilty? I would like to tell Liane Moriarty that divorcing my husband was the best decision I’ve ever made.)

It’s okay to take the law into your own hands and almost kill an innocent man while a murderer goes free, she’ll even have him over for a cup of tea.

It’s okay to stay married to a murderer. After all, in your marriage vows you promised to be there for better or for worse, so a woman’s place is by her husband, regardless of his actions. Better that than for your three daughters to lose their father, for you to lose an excellent provider and having to move out from a stately home.

And it’s also okay to be a murderer as long as you’re sorry. After all, Jean-Paul as the killer gave up rowing (his favorite past time) and a few years later he gave up sex for 6 months. Oh well, who can argue with that?

Never mind that some people get the death sentence for murder, get life in prison, or spend several years in prison for manslaughter, this guy is sorry, gave up rowing and sex for a few months so that evens it out.

I am by no means a professional, but my advice to enthusiastic writers would be … pay attention to the ending of your story. People of all walks of life, all with their own problems will read your story and hopefully forget their troubles for a while. Do you really want to be judge and jury and risk offending your readers?

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