Day 79: My cats and cat grass

Between You, Me and the Lamp Post

Day 79: My cats and cat grass

I was queuing with my groceries at a deli yesterday when I noticed cat grass by till. I decided to add some to my purchases.

Once home I announced to Charlotte, Holly, Halley, and Greyson that I had something for them. They eyed the bag and I didn’t keep them in suspense. With a flourish, I pulled out the cat grass and said: “Ta-da, for you.” They looked at it, not quite understanding.

When I placed the tub of cat grass on the floor, they approached it with caution. What was it? What were they supposed to do with it? Was it friendly? “It’s cat grass,” I said, “you’re supposed to chew it.” None of them showed any inclination of doing that.

Curiosity got the better of them though and one by one they came to have a nibble. Greyson was the first one to risk it and when Charlotte, Holly, and Halley saw that he was fine they risked it too.

If I thought they would love the cat grass, I was sadly mistaken, they weren’t particularly crazy about it. When they did have a nibble it was with an attitude of ... okay, you bought it, we’ll eat it to make you happy. So much for that idea.

When the grass started to look a little ‘depressed’ I figured it needed fresh air and sunlight, so I put it out on the balcony. A short time later Greyson and Halley went to take a look.

Judging by the look on their faces, they seemed to have a conversation with me:

You want me to eat that?

 You're joking, right?

At that precise moment, a falcon flew overhead and got Halley's full attention ... I'd rather have that.

Moments later, a finch landed on a feeding tray and Halley seemed to think ... or that.

Yeah well, she couldn't have either. The falcon would have her for lunch and as for the finch ... that little thing was just skin and bones.

I don't know about other cat owners but I can't seem to win with mine. I buy them toys, they don't play with them; I buy them quality food, they don't eat it; now I buy them cat grass and they're not interested.

I give up.

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Day 78: Fries with a side order of ... mitten

Between You, Me and the Lamp Post

Day 78: Fries with a side order of ... mitten

It’s a question every woman, or man, hears on a regular basis ... “What’s for dinner?”

In our house, it’s no different. Tonight, when I asked Dieter what he felt like for dinner he had no idea. So I made some suggestions. 

Rice with veggies and chicken ... no, not in the mood. 

Mash potato with beans and sausages ... no, that didn’t appeal. 

Potatoes with fish and a salad ... no, he didn’t feel like fish. 

Fries with a salad and steak ... yeah, that was a good idea.

Off Dieter went to the store to buy everything that was needed. In the meantime I tidied up the house, did the dishes, and folded some laundry.

When he came home, I emptied the shopping bags and pulled out a bag of frozen fries. 

“And this?” I questioned holding up the bag. 

“They didn’t have good potatoes,” Dieter said. “So I went for frozen fries instead. Less work for you.” 

Well, that was considerate but I don’t really like frozen fries. Oh well, just this once it would have to do.

I placed the frozen fries on a tray and shoved them in the oven. About five minutes later I smelled something burning. I opened the oven and noticed a tiny piece of aluminum foil on the bottom of the oven. Could that be what cause the smell? Surely not.

Another few minutes later the smell intensified and when I opened the oven grey smoke wafted out. The fries looked good though, beautifully golden, so I wasn’t too worried.

When the fries were ready, the smoke that came out of the over stung my eyes and took my breath away. Something was not right with this oven and it had to cleaned.

To pull the tray out of the oven I grabbed a mitten from the countertop and looked for the other one. I looked left, I looked right, I couldn’t find the other mitten.

“Dieter, have you seen an oven mitten?”

“No.”

Darn, where could it be? With no time to waste, I grabbed a dishtowel and pulled the tray with fries out of the oven. And wouldn’t you know it ... there, in the oven was the other mitten. I carefully fished it out and threw it in the sink.

How did the mitten get in the oven ... well, that’s easy to explain. When the oven is not in use, I store heat resistant trays, a vegetable strainer and oven mittens in the oven. Usually I take them out when placing something in the oven, but this time I’d obviously forgotten.

So we had fries, salad, and steak for dinner, with a side order of oven mitten. 

Stupid, I know, but we've all done stupid stuff, right? The bottom line is, before turning on the oven, check that nothing is in there that doesn't belong.

Day 77: I feel like such a prize idiot

Between You, Me and the Lamp Post

Day 77: I feel like such a prize idiot

Have you ever wondered about the expression ‘You could have knocked me over with a feather’? I have. What could be so bad that a feather could knock over a person? After last Friday I wonder no more.

Shortly before noon, I got a call that went as follows:

“This is Anthony Walters with the RCMP. My badge number is 05J6798. What is your name?”

I gave him my name.

“Ma’am, I’m calling because there is a warrant out for your arrest.”

My breath got stuck in my throat, I could feel the color draining from my face and you could have knocked me over with a feather.

“What are the last three digits of your social insurance number?”

I recited the numbers.

“Ma’am this number has been used to open 16 bank accounts, 3 credit accounts, and you currently owe the bank $3.145.000.”

I nearly fainted.

“In addition, there is a case against you for money laundering. Are you aware of any of these actions?”

I managed to squeak out “No.”

“Well ma’am, that is the information we have and as such you will be arrested.”

“How much do you have in your chequing account?”

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know how much you have in your chequing account?”

“No.”

“How much do you have in your savings account?”

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know that either?”

“No.”

“Could you look it up?”

“No, I don’t know the number.”

At this point, the cable of the landline phone touched the level of the phone and the line went dead. Lord, above I went into a panic. I had just cut an officer of the RCMP off and he had informed me that I would be arrested. I started hyperventilating.

I thought the best thing to do was call the police and state my case that I didn’t have 16 bank accounts, 3 credit card accounts and knew nothing about money laundering. (Save of leaving some coins in the pocket of my jeans).

The officer at the switchboard put me through to ‘Communications’. I stayed on the line for close to 20 minutes and eventually hung up. I would try again later. When I called back the officer told me that the communications division was very busy. He put me through again, and again I waited and waited and waited.

And then I got an idea ... since it was an officer from the RCMP who called me, I would call the RCMP and ask for Anthony Walters.

The officer I spoke to told me that there was no such person as an Anthony Walters. I recited his badge number and he said that there was no such badge number either. When he asked what this was in regard to, I told him in broad strokes about the arrest warrant.

“It’s a scam,” he said. “We’ve had other calls of citizens over the course of the week. Did the caller ask you for money?”

No, he hadn’t, but then again, he didn’t get the chance. I had cut him off.

It was only later when I’d calmed down a bit that I started thinking. Why would the RCMP ask for my name? Surely if there was a warrant out for my arrest they would know that. And why would the RCMP be interested in how much money I have in my chequing and savings account?  

So this was a scam and I feel like such a prize idiot.

Day 76: Halloween music

Between You, Me and the Lamp Post

Day 76: Halloween music

Your house may be decorated to give even those with nerves of steel the hibijibis; your costume may be as lifelike that even your family doesn’t recognize you, but if you’re playing happy, carefree music, the Halloween spirit you are trying to create will go right out the window.

What you need is a Halloween music playlist, tunes so creepy, so blood curling, they will scare the pants off anyone attending your party.  The following is a small selection to consider.

Thriller - Michael Jackson

From the first note, this song will indicate that you mean business. Whether your guests are dancing or stand around talking, when Vincent Price starts his dialogue, hitting off with “Darkness falls across the land, the midnight hour close at hand”, all of them are sure to feel their neck hairs rise.  Not to mention Vincent Price’s laughter concluding the song. That will rattle a few bones.

The Monster Mash – Boris Picket and the Crypt Kickers

Whether your guests were born in the fifties or nineties, everybody loves The Monster Mash. Although scary and as such suitable for Halloween, The Monster Mash is perfect to end all conversation signaling it’s time for your guests to start kicking up their heels. 

Black Magic Woman - Santana

Of course, wild dancing can only last so long.  Every now and then you’ll have to throw in a slow tune so your guests can catch their breath and smooch a little without leaving the dance floor. Rely on Santana and Black Magic Woman to do just that. 

I Put a Spell on You – CCR

Keep a slow pace without losing any of the Halloween atmosphere. Spells and potions are right up there with ghosts and witches.  Put a spell on your guests with the help of Creedence Clearwater Revival.

Soundtracks

​If you don’t like individual songs, how about some movie soundtrack music? Think Psycho, think Poltergeist, any of the Freddie Kruger movies or even some Resident Evil tunes.  All of them are guaranteed to be bone-chilling and if your guests have seen the movies, the music will bring back some memories.

Alternatively, you can go for the soundtrack of the classics such as Dracula or Frankenstein movies. The visuals were scary, but it was the music that had many on the edge of their seats and gave them nightmares.

Whatever you decide, mix up the fast with the slow; the old with the new; and give your party guests a Halloween to remember.

Day 75: A bit of information to save you some aggravation

Between You, Me and the Lamp Post

Day 75: A bit of information to save you some aggravation

   

If you’re planning on selling something on Facebook, beware, danger is lurking. Scammers are on the loose and this time you might not even know that you’re being scammed.

It goes somewhat like this …

You list an item for sale on Facebook and sooner or later you’ll get the response “Is this item still available?” If you say that it is, the person will show a great interest. He or she might respond with “I really love this”, “I’m really interested in buying this”, or “Please hold the item for me.”

Next there might be a price negotiation and eventually the person will make arrangements for pick up or if you’re planning on mailing the item your email address to pay via PayPal. This is where it gets dangerous.

If you never had dealings with this person, DO NOT give out your address. Rather arrange a meeting in a coffee shop, park, street corner or even the lobby of your apartment/condo building.

If the person asks for your email address to pay via PayPal, be VERY CAREFUL divulging this information.

The dangers of giving out your address are obvious … the person now knows where you live and can use this information for all kinds of mischief.

If you think that giving out your email address can’t do much harm, think again … this is how identify theft starts and other nonsense.

Usually I’m good with spotting scammers, but in this case I fell for it. Not once, not twice, but three times.

I listed two rugs, a set of curtains and a set of rings for sale and it didn’t take long for the scammers to notice this. I received comments such as 

“Oh how gorgeous, I want this”

“I’m at work right now but I’ll pay you as soon as I get home”, or 

“This is exactly what I’m looking for”.

Of course, once they had my email address, I never heard from them again. If it happens to you, they will sell your email address a be paid handsomely for it. How will you know that your email address has been sold … you’ll get lots and lots of junk mail in your inbox.

You’ll get emails for all kinds of insurance, foot care, laser surgery, gutter cleaning, mattresses, pest control, etc.

I fell for their scam not once, not twice but three times, but the third time is definitely the last time. I thought I’d pass on this bit of information to save you some aggravation.   

Day 74: Those two would test the patience of an angel

Between You, Me and the Lamp Post

Day 74: Those two would test the patience of an angel

You’ve probably seen them on the road … dogs in booties, cats with a sweater on, or some other ridiculous outfit.

For starters, I’ve never understood how the owners of these pets managed to make their cat or dog keep those garments on.

Back when I was a kid, I spend the better part of an afternoon knitting socks for my cat, Pitoe. When the socks were finished, I put them on Pitoe’s paws, or shall I say … tried to put them on his paws. He was of the opinion that he didn’t need socks and he made that very clear. I was of the opinion that he did need socks and commandeered the situation with a great deal of perseverance.

In the process I ended up with more than one scratch, but in the end Pitoe had his socks on. Or so I thought. No sooner had I put Pitoe on the floor than he started shaking his paws … front left, front right, back left, back right … the socks went flying. So much for that idea.

Over the years I tried a few dress ups with my cats, but none of them were particularly thrilled with the idea, so no more of that nonsense.

However, now I’m having a change of heart.

Last night Halley and Greyson wanted to go out. They’re used to going out on the balcony. It’s understandable, they’re locked inside the apartment all day, so when we come home they can’t wait to get some fresh air.

Unfortunately, it’s no longer July when the air is warm, it’s October and the air is just a bit too fresh for me. When the balcony door is open, within no time the living room turns rather chilly. Not that the chilly temperature bothers Halley and Greyson. Take yesterday for instance.

As soon as we came home, Halley and Greyson took their position by the balcony door … they wanted out. Fine, they were let out. They jumped on the ledge of the (safety netted) balcony and looked at the construction workers down below, the cars that came and went in the parking lot, the pigeons and seagulls that swooped overhead, and the finches who came to peck at the bird food.

After a while I called them in but neither of them was willing. "Halley, Greyson, it’s cold, come inside!” I said with more urgency. They responded with a firm, no. “Fine,” I said, “knock when you want to come in.” Since it was getting cold in the living room I closed the door. Two minutes later Halley scratched at the glass, she wanted to come in, Greyson in her wake.

I opened the door, the two of them walked in, I closed the door.

Before long they wanted to go out again. I opened the door, they walked out, I closed the door.

When next I let them in, their paws and fur was cold. That’s when I started considering getting them each a sweater and some booties.

And so it went … in, out, in, out, in, out, in.

“You’re in and now you’re staying in,” I told them as I yet again had to get up to open and close the balcony door. When next Halley scratched to go out, I held firm. Enough was enough.

But I had reckoned without Halley’s determination. Now when she wanted out she didn’t just scratch the glass, she went into turbo overdrive. I lasted for less than one minute before getting up with an “Alright then, I’m coming.” 

Eventually though I had to put a stop to this. When next she scratched to be let out, I got up. Not to let her out but to give her a piece of my mind. "Halley," I said, "this has to stop. You've been in and out all night. It's late, it's dark and it's cold. Now stop it and go to sleep!" And would you believe it, it worked. She turned tail and went to bed. 

I should have yelled sooner.

Day 73: What else is gonna go wrong today ...

Between You, Me and the Lamp Post

Day 73: What else is gonna go wrong today ...

There are days that you just know everything is going your way. The sun is shining, you look great in your outfit, your hair does exactly what you want it to do, there’s hardly any traffic and … everything is just perfect.

And then there are days like today …

I woke up shortly before 6:00 a.m. to the sound of thunder and flashes of lightning, accompanied by a steady stream of rain. When I'm home I love rain. The dark clouds, the pitter patter of water droplets on flat surfaces, the gurgling of gutters. However, when I have to go out it’s a different story.

I hardly ever take an umbrella with me because, while such an item keeps me reasonably dry, it’s a nuisance on the subway. It’s big, it’s wet, and along the way it might poke people who knows where. As a result I took two showers today … one in my bathroom and one on Queen Street.

Soaking wet from head to toe I arrived at Tim Hortons where more trouble awaited me. No sooner was I seated with my fragrant hot cup of coffee and delicious croissant than a homeless woman approached me shouting that I was in her seat.

The last time I checked, Tim Hortons didn’t have reserved seating so I was not eager to move. She made an issue of it though, shouting that she was there first and blah blah blah, to the point that there was a bit of a gefaffle.

Normally I don’t back down from bullies, but in this case I thought it better to move. Not only was the woman homeless but she looked and acted deranged and there was no telling what she would do next. There was the chance that she would scratch me and that was to be avoided at all cost. Dirty and maybe carrying some disease, I didn’t want to get infected by something nasty. So I moved to another table. Not quick enough though as she swiped my things off the table. My coffee, croissant and reading glasses case went flying.

Fortunately, this attracted the attention of the staff of Tim Hortons who not only served me with a fresh cup of coffee and croissant but got on the phone and called the police. Knowing how busy the police is, I didn’t expect them to show up any time soon, but at least an effort was made.

Once at work more bad luck awaited me. When I got dressed this morning I got too warm and decided not to wear the sweater I had laid out last night. Big mistake. Now that I’m at my desk, I’m cold and my hands are freezing. 

What else is gonna go wrong today ...

Day 72: Thanksgiving massacre

Between You, Me and the Lamp Post

Day 72: Thanksgiving massacre

When a hundred people die individually, nobody knows, nobody cares. When a hundred people die together, it makes the news and it’s called a tragedy. 

When millions of turkeys are slaughtered, we call it Thanksgiving. 

Do you understand the picture above? We love cats, and dogs for that matter, but we mercilessly slaughter barn animals.

Why is that some animals are loved and others are killed without a second thought? 

Is it because cats and dogs are cute and barn animals are not? What does that say for people? Do those of us who are beautiful or at least good looking have more right to live than those of us less attractive?

A few days ago, millions of turkeys walked around happily. They felt the warmth of the sun, pecked at bugs in the grass, and enjoyed each other’s company. Today they sit golden brown on your table. Do you ever think what happened to them between then and now? They were grabbed and slaughtered.

If a million turkeys were killed, and each turkey had one liter of blood in him or her, that means a million liters of blood was spilled. Do you ever wonder what happens to so much blood? I Googled it and this is what I found:

It is taken to rendering plants with blood processing facilities, or disposed of in sewers (which lead into the nearest water body), in landfills or spread over land. Some amount is used to make human food and animal feed.

Frightening isn’t it, blood is disposed of in sewers that lead into the nearest water body ... that means blood ends up in rivers, lakes, and oceans. So when you swim in a river, lake or ocean, you’re actually swimming in blood.

Equally disgusting is the fact that some blood is used in human food. I Googled that too and found that blood is used in:

Pig or cattle blood is most often used. Typical fillers include meat, fat, suet, bread, rice, barley and oatmeal. Varieties include biroldo, black pudding, blood tongue, blutwurst, drisheen, kishka (kaszanka), morcilla, moronga, mustamakkara, sundae, verivorst, and many types of boudin.

So today, on Thanksgiving, don’t just give thanks for family, friends and all the good things you enjoy in life, thank the turkey who gave his life, for you. 

   

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