Day 50: Why shacking up before you get married is a good idea

My Project: 365 Creative Writing Prompts

Day 50: Why shacking up before you get married is a good idea

Couples are more reluctant than ever about getting married.  Whether they are crazy in love or just seem right for each other, saying those wedding vows that will bind them to each other for life is a risk fewer couples are willing to take.  Couples offer the following reasons for why shacking up before you get married is a good idea.

You don’t really know someone until you live with them

Dating someone a few times a week with an occasional sleep-over may give you an idea of their personality, but it doesn’t show you what they are like on a day to day basis.  

Little things make a difference

When you live with someone 24/7, you get to experience firsthand how the person handles stress, disappointment, anger, and life in general.  For some those little flaws might be endearing, while for others they could become major obstacles.

Avoid taking each other for granted

Others prefer shacking up before marriage because it keeps both partners on their toes.  Once married a lot of men and women feel they have it made and overnight develop a careless attitude. They relax to the point that their partner no longer recognizes the person they dated. They may quit their job, put on weight, or generally no longer take care of themselves. By living together, especially in the early stages, there is always the chance of the other calling it quits. That percentage of danger keeps the relationship fresher.

Children and family in the mix

If one or both partners have children, shacking up before you get married is a good idea. The adults may love each other, but can they tolerate each other’s offspring? It worked for the Brady bunch, but it may not work for you if the kids don’t get along which, in turn, puts stress on your relationship.

The same could apply to extended family members.  You and your partner may get along perfectly, but inconsiderate parents and difficult siblings could sour the deal. 

Sexual compatibility

You might love each other dearly, but are you sexually compatible? While you may have tested the waters already, dating sex and relationship sex are two different things. Your partner’s needs may be different from yours over the long haul or you may discover some unusual requests which you may or may not like. 

Maintaining a healthy and compatible sex life over the long-term becomes a challenge for all couples. Shacking up before you get married can be a good barometer of how your sex life will mature if you remain together.

Financial compatibility

Why shacking up before you get married is a good idea also applies to whether or not the couple is financially compatible. She may love to shop and be addicted to shoe shopping, while he may be hardcore thrifty. When you live with someone it becomes more difficult for them to hide their money habits.

Lower exit costs if the relationship fails

Probably the biggest reason why shaking up before you get married is so popular is because if the relationship doesn’t work out, no divorce is needed. With no lawyers or alimony in the mix, the couple can walk away with a clean slate without spilling as much financial or emotional blood that usually happens during a divorce. 

Most people don’t buy a car without taking it for a test drive first. Before making a legal and spiritual commitment to another person, many couples today are opting to go slow and take that all-important test drive first.

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Day 32: Can a marriage survive an affair?

My Project: 365 Creative Writing Prompts

Day 32: Can a Marriage Survive an Affair?

Of all wedding vows, the vow to forsake all others is often the one most married couples have difficulty with.  By the time a couple reaches their silver anniversary, 50 percent of women and 60 percent of men will have had an affair.  Can a marriage survive an affair?  Much will depend on the state of the marriage before and after the occurrence.

Why start an affair?

Contrary to popular belief, the reason men and women start affairs is not sexual but rather emotional.  The majority of men and women cheat on their partners because they feel neglected by their spouse.  Some feel they’ve grown apart and lack an emotional connection, others feel no longer wanted, taken for granted, or misunderstood.

Who is to blame?

Apart from physical abuse, men and women might go looking for love elsewhere because they are no longer willing to put up with the situation at home.

Some husbands, who were attentive to their wives in the early years of marriage might have lost interest in their spouse.  They spend more and more time at work, with their friends, at a sports club or in front of the television.  When they are around, they criticize their wives and lack appreciation for what she does.

Some wives have lost interest in themselves.  At the start of the marriage, they might have made an effort to look beautiful for their husbands, but over the years they let themselves go.  They feel harassed by their job, the amount of housework and the number of children, and don’t have time for their husbands anymore.  When he is around they nag and complain.

Can a marriage survive an affair?

While the spouses might still love each other after an affair, the foundation of their marriage has crumbled.  An affair might be forgiven, but the trust between two people is broken.  If the couple decides to stay together it might take years before that trust http://www.lifescript.com/life/relationships/wreckage/building_trust_in_a_relationship_again.aspx is re-earned. 

  

Life after an affair

After the anger is gone, spouses often suffer from humiliation, poor self-esteem, guilt, and depression.  Most couples split up after an affair, not because they can’t forgive, but because they can’t forget.  The mental image of the one they love with another man or woman haunts them.  They might forever wonder if given the chance if the spouse might stray again.

Does counseling help?

Couples who want to stay together might find counseling helpful.  Not only will they get the guidance to deal with the aftermath of the affair, they will get a chance to dig deep into their history and possibly uncover the reason why the affair started.  Through counseling, the couple will communicate, deal with the past, focus on the present and possibly make plans for the future.

Can a marriage survive an affair?  Some can forgive and forget, for others, the breach of trust is a fatal blow.  What took years to build was destroyed in seconds.

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Day 22: Wedding superstitions

My Project: 365 Creative Writing Prompts

Day 22: Wedding superstitions

Her wedding day is one of the most important days in a woman’s life.  Because of the importance of the day, a number of superstitions and old wive's tales are connected with the event which can spin already nervous brides into a frenzy.  Whether or not these superstitions are true is beside the point, most brides will rather not test their luck.

The Outfit

It is said that the bride should not tailor her own dress and not even help with the stitching because for every stitch of the needle she will cry a tear in her marriage.

The outfit should not be tried on before the wedding other than for fittings.  Should the bride show off her outfit chances are she will not get married.

Neither should the groom see the bride in her wedding fineries before the big day.  Of all superstitions, this is possibly the strongest one and followed by brides the world over.

Pearls

Pearls represent tears.  The bad luck superstition around the bride wearing pearls states that the pearls represent the tears she will shed during her married life.  The good luck superstition of the wearing of pearls states that the pearls take away the tears that the bride would have shed. 

Rain

Rain on the wedding day can also be taken as a good or a bad sign.  One superstition states that rain on a wedding day predicts tears in the marriage; another superstition associates a rainy wedding day with the gift of children to the couple.

The Church

Seeing a nun or a monk outside the church can be one of two things.  Either the marriage will not be blessed with children, or the couple will fall into poverty.

Seeing a black cat on the way to the church is a sign of good luck.

For good luck in a marriage, rather marry on a weekday than a Saturday.  While no bad luck is associated with a weekend wedding, no good luck is associated with it either, so, no luck at all.  According to superstition, Wednesday is the best day to marry.

Signing your Married Name

This is considered another way of tempting faith.  If you dare to sign a document with your married name, chances are the wedding will not take place or the marriage is doomed.

Dropping of the Ring

It is said that if the best man or the groom drops the ring the marriage won’t last.

The Wedding Night

Finally, there is the wedding night with the threat that who falls asleep first will be the first to die.

If all these superstitions were to be believed, it’s no wonder brides are jittery.  To play it safe, just stick to the wearing something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue and don’t let the rest worry you.

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Day 14: Who would you like to be stuck in an elevator with?

My Project: 365 Creative Writing Prompts.

Day 14: Who would you like to be stuck in an elevator with?

On Facebook, I noticed the following question ... ‘If you were to be stuck in an elevator, who would you like to have for company?’

Ask any person that question and they will either answer right away or get a pensive look on their face. Who would they like to be stuck in an elevator with ... so many people to choose from.

On Facebook, one person said J.K. Rowling, another Adam Levine, another still Barack Obama, while two opted for ‘the elevator repair man’. And then there was this woman who said ‘My husband’. In my eyes that makes her a twit.

Wanting your husband for company in an emergency situation is understandable when a couple are newlyweds or are deep in their senior years, but for everything in-between ... come on.

Ask a man, any man, who he would like to be stuck in an elevator with and not one, not a single one will say ‘my wife’. They will name actresses, singers, models, sports stars or even some girl from their office, but no man will name his wife.

When men are married for a while, they will find any excuse to get away from home. They will work late, go to sports events, bars, DIY stores, invent jobs around the house, work on their car, stay busy with their hobbies, surf the Net, hide behind the newspaper or hang out with their buddies.

Hanging out with their wife ... why, their mission is accomplished. They found a maid to clean their house, do their laundry and iron their shirts, a cook to prepare their meals, and they no longer have to go looking for sex or pay for it.

You may think that I’m cynical about marriage and I’ll admit that I am. I think I made that clear on day 2 of this project when I was supposed to write a love poem and couldn’t do that because I don’t believe in love.

Now, who would you like to be stuck in an elevator with?

Feel free to comment. I'd love to hear from you.

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Day 2: The unrequited love poem

It’s only the second day of this writing project and I’ve hit a snag already. Today's exercise being:
The unrequited love poem. How do you feel when you love someone who does not love you back.

Writing a poem about unrequited love … that’s not gonna work. Not that I can’t write a poem, I can rhyme with the best of them, but writing about love … no, that doesn’t suit me at all. I don’t believe in love.

People may love each other when they first meet, and love each other again when they’re in their golden years, but the years in-between can be hell on wheels. Why else would the divorce rate stand at over 50%?

I’m probably so cynical because I was married. We had a wonderful wedding and a romantic honeymoon, but 18 years later we had an even more wonderful divorce.

I sometimes wonder if men and women really suit each other. I mean, think about it. When two people meet and fall in love, they want to spend all their time together. No sooner are they married or everything changes. Maybe not in the first year, maybe not in the second, but eventually.

Men will start to pull on the reigns and want to spend time with their friends. They’ll want to go to sports events with their buddies, they want to go drinking with them, or do something else that takes him away from home. Maybe they’ll get lucky and meet someone who is after some casual adult fun. All too often I hear men refer to their wives as ‘The old ball and chain.’

Women are no better. They want to go shopping with their girlfriends, have lunches here and there, go to spas, go clubbing, and generally have a good time. Going shopping with a man is no fun, they just don’t have the interest to admire shoes, rifle through lipsticks, or try different perfumes. And yes, of course, there are those ladies who wouldn’t mind a bit of casual adult fun too.

So why get married in the first place? What drives people to bind themselves to others? Do they really think that a ceremony will make the other person stay ‘until death do them part’? Of course not. If the relationship is good, a man or a woman will stay, if the relationship goes south, they will leave. A marriage certificate isn’t going to change that.

Sometimes I wonder why people are so keen to get married anyway. I can understand why a man wants to get married, once he has a wife he no longer has to go looking for sex or pay for it, but it’s quite a bit different for a woman. Unless the couple can afford outside help, once married a whole heap of responsibilities land onto a woman’s shoulders: cleaning the house, doing the shopping, cooking the meals, washing and pressing clothes, and 101 other things. Then when the kids come along, her responsibilities double or even triple.

No, I don’t understand this keenness on finding a man and entering into marriage. I’ve been there and done that and I can say one thing for very, very sure … NEVER AGAIN!!! So if you’re waiting for an unrequited love poem … you’ll wait a long, long time.

The Husband's Secret. Liane Moriarty doesn't care if she offends her readers. Contains Spoilers

When amateur writers seek the advice of professionals on how to write a good story they invariably are told to:

Have an attention grabbing opening to the story;

To show rather than tell; and

To pay close attention to spelling and grammar

In my opinion, there should be a fourth piece of advice … give the story a good ending.

I recently read “The Husband’s Secret” and while the story was good, the ending was so disturbing that I will never read another book of Liane Moriarty again.

In The Husband’s Secret we first meet Cecilia, model wife of Jean-Paul, mother of three girls, and perfect housekeeper, who one day finds a letter her husband has written many years ago, in which he confesses to murdering a 17-year old girl.

We also meet Tess, wife of Will, mother and successful business woman who discovers that her husband is having an affair with her best friend.

Finally, there’s Rachel, a widow and mother of the murdered girl.

While Cecilia knows of the murder, and is deeply shocked, after reading the letter, she does nothing.

Once Tess finds out of her husband’s infidelity, she takes her son and runs home to her mother. Once there she meets an old boyfriend, Connor, with whom she has mind blowing sex.

Rachel works as an administrator in a primary school where Cecilia’s daughters and Tess’ son go to school and have Connor as a PE teacher. She is convinced that Connor killed her daughter, but lacks any proof.

The story babbles on and it’s quite enjoyable until the end.

Seeing how the police refuses to arrest Connor, after Rachel presented them with a new piece of (weak) evidence, she is going to take matters into her own hands.

During an Easter Sunday drive, she spots Connor crossing the street and floors the accelerator. Only Connor gets out of the way and she hits Cecilia’s youngest daughter, whose right arm has to be amputated.

When later she learns that it was actually Cecilia’s husband who murdered her daughter she decides not to report this to the police. He strangled her daughter, while she is responsible for a girl losing her right arm, so that makes them even.

(In a sort of epilogue the author mentions that the amputee girl will never get the chance to play tennis. I guess Liane Moriarty has never heard of John McEnroe, Jimmy Connors and Andres Gomez who were all left handed tennis champions.)

As for Tess … she gets a visit from her husband, who states that having an affair wasn’t quite as much fun after she left the house, and he wants her back. Even though Will is a frumpy, overweight, hairy man, who is unable to satisfy her sexually, she takes him back without a second thought to Connor, the gorgeous ex-boyfriend, PE teacher, who sent her to the moon and back with orgasms.

I guess Tess has never heard the saying … once a cheater, always a cheater. Several women will tell her that, once a man has eaten the green grass on the other side, sooner or later he will go back for another nibble.

Not only that, Tess finds herself pregnant with another child. Is it Will’s or is it Connor’s … she claims she will never know. Has Liane Moriarty never heard of DNA testing?

The marriage is clearly in trouble, but Tess thinks that another baby will make Will stay put. Not only is this naïve, it’s irresponsible.

As for Cecilia … she knows that her husband is a murderer but she will do nothing. She loves her husband and that’s that. She will continue to keep the house clean, do the laundry, do the cooking and now busy herself with her research on arm prosthesis and will be that.

The moral of the story …

Once you’re married and have kid, your happiness is of no importance. It’s all about the kid, let the kid not lose his father because then you’ll ruin his life.

(What kind of message does this send to desperately unhappy women? You don’t matter and put up with anything and everything? What about divorced women, are they supposed to feel guilty? I would like to tell Liane Moriarty that divorcing my husband was the best decision I’ve ever made.)

It’s okay to take the law into your own hands and almost kill an innocent man while a murderer goes free, she’ll even have him over for a cup of tea.

It’s okay to stay married to a murderer. After all, in your marriage vows you promised to be there for better or for worse, so a woman’s place is by her husband, regardless of his actions. Better that than for your three daughters to lose their father, for you to lose an excellent provider and having to move out from a stately home.

And it’s also okay to be a murderer as long as you’re sorry. After all, Jean-Paul as the killer gave up rowing (his favorite past time) and a few years later he gave up sex for 6 months. Oh well, who can argue with that?

Never mind that some people get the death sentence for murder, get life in prison, or spend several years in prison for manslaughter, this guy is sorry, gave up rowing and sex for a few months so that evens it out.

I am by no means a professional, but my advice to enthusiastic writers would be … pay attention to the ending of your story. People of all walks of life, all with their own problems will read your story and hopefully forget their troubles for a while. Do you really want to be judge and jury and risk offending your readers?

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Proposing marriage on Valentine's Day.

Proposing marriage on Valentine’s Day is a decision men might come to regret.  Whether it’s sweet or sappy is beside the point, once the question ‘Will you marry me?’ is out there, there is no going back.

On Valentine’s Day we are all a little emotionally charged.  It is the day of love, and anyone in a relationship joins in.  It is the perfect day to show our sweetheart that we love her.  

Or is it?

Continue reading at: 

http://connymanero.weebly.com/blog/proposing-marriage-on-valentines-day

Let's talk about men

There’s been a lot of talk about men within the past 48 hours.  On-line and off.  I have tried to get my point across and failed miserably.  I can understand why some are confused about me.  On the one hand I readily admit that I don’t like men; yet in the same breath I state that I get along very well with them.  How to explain this?

Jack Nicolson was looking for a few good men. Women all over the world are joining him that quest. How do women know when they find a member of the male species that it's a good one?  They can’t squeeze him for ripeness; they can’t examine him (like they would apples and tomatoes) for brown spots showing signs of decay.  

It seems to me that women, where it comes to men, are rather reckless.
 

Before taking a job, a candidate can research the company on-line or talk to past and present employees.
 

Before buying kitchen appliances, most women read the reviews.
 

Before buying clothes or shoes, the chosen item is tried on for fit and comfort.
 

So why are women who deal with an item they are supposed to keep for life, take a man they meet at face value?

Some might say they don’t, that that’s what dating is for, to get ‘a feel’ for the guy.  True, but not exactly accurate.  How many people – men and women alike - show their true self while dating?  I think it’s safe to say that before going on a date, a man will shower and shave, comb his hair and put on something nice.  In other words, he will show himself from his best side. 

If he steps over the line and swears, gets upset or worse gets a little violent, he will state that he was not himself or that ordinary he is not like that.  And women swallow it.  They are so in love that they don’t see the ‘brown spots’.  And even if they do, the sight of the flowers they get presented with, or the size of the diamond in the engagement ring, will cloud their vision. 

When I say that I don’t like men, it’s because I’ve seen too many bad apples.  Hence my hesitation to ‘buy’ one. 

Over the weekend I talked with Vicky (not her real name).  She got tearful when she admitted to me that she was afraid she was going to end up an old maid.  “Vicky,” I said, “you can’t end up an old maid, you were married and the term old maid is so passé.”  “You know what I mean,” she said, “I’m afraid I won’t find anyone to grow old with, to take care of me.”

That’s when I started to wonder ... why do women get married?  Is it because of love or is it to have some company in their golden years?  Is it for financial reasons?  Is that all that men are good for?  A body to share a space with and to keep the bank account in the positive?  Is that why I steer clear of men?  Because I don’t feel the need for male company and I don’t need to be taken care of?

Do men feel this when they are in my company?  I can laugh and joke around with them.  They know that, unlike Vicky, I don’t want anything from them.  I'm not going to chase them and I don't want to be chased.  They can be themselves, without me being shocked or getting stars in my eyes.

Do I get my point across?  Do you get it?  If you do ... good; if you don’t then I guess you have to know me to understand me.