Day 86: Fifty Shades of rubbish

Between You, Me and the Lamp Post

Day 86: Fifty Shades of rubbish

The writer’s group I belong to is a constant source of inspiration. One of its members, Isaac F., posted a question regarding Fifty Shades. A string of comments followed, but the bottom line is … Fifty Shades was published because the writer knew someone in the publishing world who owed her a favor.

I can’t give you my opinion on the book, because I didn’t bother reading it, but I found this online …

Thanks to my ever-useful Kindle search function, I have discovered that Ana says "Jeez" 81 times and "oh my" 72 times. She "blushes" or "flushes" 125 times, including 13 that are "scarlet," 6 that are "crimson," and one that is "stars and stripes red." (I can't even imagine.) Ana "peeks up" at Christian 13 times, and there are 9 references to Christian's "hooded eyes," 7 to his "long index finger," and 25 to how "hot" he is (including four recurrences of the epic declarative sentence "He's so freaking hot."). Christian's "mouth presses into a hard line" 10 times. Characters "murmur" 199 times, "mutter" 49 times, and "whisper" 195 times (doesn't anyone just talk?), "clamber" on/in/out of things 21 times, and "smirk" 34 times. Christian and Ana also "gasp" 46 times and experience 18 "breath hitches," suggesting a need for prompt intervention by paramedics. Finally, in a remarkable bit of symmetry, our hero and heroine exchange 124 "grins" and 124 "frowns"... which, by the way, seems an awful lot of frowning for a woman who experiences "intense," "body-shattering," "delicious," "violent," "all-consuming," "turbulent," "agonizing" and "exhausting" orgasms on just about every page.

Another writer made the following statement. 

E.L. James, a frumpy little housewife decided one day that she would write a book. By way of research, she found an erotica book, watched a porn movie, and then set to work.

When she was finished she took her work to a publisher who promptly accepted it.

Other writers when they think their work is ready for publication generally have their work proofread and edited. Next, they create a synopsis and a sales pitch. Then they contact one or several literary agents and hope for their work to be accepted. Unfortunately, before that happens, the writer might get one or several rejection letters.

Under no circumstances does a writer ever contact a publisher directly because all of them, at least the respected ones, do not accept unsolicited manuscripts. The writer has to go through a literary agent.

E.L. James had to do none of this. She went straight to a publisher and for some reason, her work was accepted.

She might have sold millions of books and her work might have turned into a movie, but did she gain respect … of course not, she became a laughing stock. Everywhere the book gets slammed and as for the movie … even the cast thought it laughable.

Personally, I think it’s sad and infuriating that such rubbish got published. Writers the world over do their best to produce a good story. They think, they write, they toil for hours to find the right words and tone, they research, and they rewrite their work over and over to reach near perfection.

When they submit their work to a literary agent they get rejected over and over and over again. Some take it in their stride and refuse to give in, others get discouraged and give up.

Fifty Shades was utter rubbish and was published, your manuscript might be beautifully written, but might be buried in obscurity.

https://www.mhpbooks.com/fifty-shades-of-grey-now-officially-rubbish/

https://truelovedates.com/5-reasons-50-shades-of-grey-is-trash/

Day 80: The Disappearances by Emily Bain Murphy

Between You, Me and the Lamp Post

Day 80: The Disappearances by Emily Bain Murphy

I don’t know about you, but when I go into a bookstore, it takes me ages to decide which book I want to buy. If one of my favorite authors has a new book out, I don’t hesitate to pick that one, but if none of them has something new, it’s a case of wandering the aisles, picking books up and putting them back. Too much of a good thing.

Now it so happens that I visited a Dollar Store earlier this week and to my surprise, they had a book section. Well, I couldn’t leave without checking that out.

The book selection was very limited, and I do mean very limited only about ten books. And surprise, surprise, I found three of them I liked. Since the price was only $3 I didn’t think twice, I picked all three of them.

The first one I read was ‘The Disappearances’

Synopsis:

What if the ordinary things in life suddenly…disappeared?

 

Aila Quinn’s mother, Juliet, has always been a mystery: vibrant yet guarded, she keeps her secrets beyond Aila’s reach. When Juliet dies, Aila and her younger brother Miles are sent to live in Sterling, a rural town far from home—and the place where Juliet grew up.

Sterling is a place with mysteries of its own. A place where the experiences that weave life together—scents of flowers and food, reflections from mirrors and lakes, even the ability to dream—vanish every seven years.

No one knows what caused these “Disappearances,” or what will slip away next. But Sterling always suspected that Juliet Quinn was somehow responsible—and Aila must bear the brunt of their blame while she follows the chain of literary clues her mother left behind. 

As the next Disappearance nears, Aila begins to unravel the dual mystery of why the Disappearances happen and who her mother truly was. One thing is clear: Sterling isn’t going to hold on to anyone's secrets for long before it starts giving them up.

It was a surprisingly good book with believable characters, beautiful scene descriptions a suspense plot, and best of all, a satisfying ending.

All too often I found that, while the story of a book was good, the ending was rushed. I got the impression that the author was fed up with the story and wanted to end it as quickly as possible.

Not in this case, Emily Bain Murphy pulled it nicely together and made this all in all a satisfying read. The book is classified for young readers but readers of any age will enjoy this story.

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Day 61: In pursuit of a book

Between You, me and the Lamp Post

Day 61: In pursuit of a book

Many of us, readers/writers are familiar with ‘A Women of Substance’ by Barbara Taylor Bradford. It is generally agreed that this is Bradford's masterpiece. I tend to agree. I read this book many years ago and found it riveting start to finish.

Then a few days ago I picked up ‘Hold the Dream’, the sequel to ‘A Women of Substance’. In general, apart from the Harry Potter series, I tend to avoid sequels as they are never as good as the original work.

This proved to be the case with ‘Hold the Dream’. The story failed to capture my attention and I was actually rather bothered by the subject of the book. In short ... Emma Hart is nearly 80 years old and leaves her empire to her favorite grandchild. Hm, this seems grossly unfair to me. Emma Hart has several children and a multitude of grandchildren, yet she leaves everything to her favorite grandchild. What about the others?

After a few pages I abandoned the book and went in search for something else to read.

The security guard of the company where I currently work told me that there is a mini library on the 5^th floor. I didn’t let the grass grow under my feet and went in search of that mini library. The guard didn’t exaggerate when he called the library mini ... just two shelves with a few books. 

Some were computer manuals, others were financial investment publications and there were a few self-help books. None were of any interest to me. I don’t understand computer manuals, I don’t have enough money to consider investments and as for self help books ... I’m doing just fine.

Back at my desk I looked up if there were any bookstores in my neighborhood and found one that was very close. According to Google it was a four-minute walk. Between my lunchtime I set off.

First of all, let me say that Google can’t be trusted. A four minute walk my foot, perhaps a pigeon can get there in four minutes, but it took me the better half of ten minutes. When I finally got at the bookstore address, I stared at a boarded-up shop window. According to the shop owner next door, the bookstore had closed some three years ago.

The man had good news for me though, he knew of another bookstore. Okay, where was that one located? It turned out that bookstore would require a fairly long walk, but fortunately, I could hop on a streetcar.

When I got off the streetcar I looked around me and ... there wasn’t a bookstore to be seen. I saw clothing stores, coffee shops, and restaurants, but no bookstore. Never mind, I would pop into the drugstore and see what kind of books they had. As it turned out, none. The drugstore still had magazines, but since there was little or no interest in books the drugstore no longer carried books. Again a piece of good news though, the salesclerk told me where I could find a book store.

To cut a long story short, I found the store. Not a chain store like Chapters Indigo, but an old- fashioned mom and pop store with books on tables, books on shelves, little home improvement items, kids toys as well as a counter serving coffee and baked goods.

The choice was limited, but after all I had been trough, I was gonna walk out with a book come hell or high water.

My book of choice ... ‘The Turn of the Key’ by Ruth Ware. If ‘The Turn of the Key’ is anything like Ware’s other books I’m in for a treat.

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Day 56: Writing - Should we listen to others?

Between You, Me and the Lamp Post

Day 56: Writing - Should we listen to others?

A long time ago, I was chosen to compete in a national ten-pin bowling tournament. The question was, did I want to play in the bronze or silver division. Bronze players played with a handicap, silver players played without a handicap.

“Choose silver,” Jean-Pierre, a friend said. “The last thing you want is to lose to someone’s handicap.”

“In which division are you playing?” I asked him.

“Gold,” he said.

In my opinion, he was overestimating himself. While he was not a bad bowler, he was nowhere near good enough to play with men who scored a 200 average.

“If I’m gonna be beaten, I want to be beaten by the best,” he told me.

This got me thinking.

Yesterday I posted a writing sample in a writer’s group and my work got slammed left, right and center. One or two people had something good to say, but the majority found fault with it.

Then today I saw a writing sample from another member. To say that it was awful is putting it mildly. Not only was the piece crawling with typos, the grammar was atrocious and the story itself seemed to be written by a six-year-old.

Here is an extract from what she wrote:

I went to bed last night. I lay in bed looking at the ceiling. I couldn’t sleep. I got up and watched the moon. I couldn’t sleep because my brother was snoring. I wouldn’t wait for morning to come. My mother was out with her boyfriend.

Do you consider this good writing?

The other members of the group, those who had slammed me the previous day had nothing but good to say about the childish writing. They found it fascinating, captivating and looked forward to reading the next chapter.

Thinking that I was perhaps a little biased, because of the bad feedback I had received on my work, I asked two other people to read the work of the other member. Both their reaction was more or less the same ... who wrote this crap and how did she dare publish this online for all to see. Did she actually think this was good writing?

When I told them about my experience of the previous day they laughed and said “Why you do even bother? If you want feedback, ask the professionals, don’t bother with amateurs, they don’t know any better than you do.”

So I did. I asked two well-known authors, who have sold millions of books how they feel about criticism. Both of them laughed and said, “If I had listened to others, I never would have finished my first novel.”

They asked me if I enjoyed writing. When I said yes, they shrugged and said, “Then keep doing it. Who cares what anyone else thinks?”

I guess those are words I have to keep in mind. From what I’ve gathered so far, for some people writing is fun, for others it’s therapeutic, a way to pass the time, or to hang out with their imaginary friends. Whatever the reason, if writing is enjoyable ... go for it.

One more thing to remember ... what’s good for the goose isn’t necessarily good for the gender. There’s no accounting for taste. Do you think Stephen King, James Patterson, Lee Child or Dan Brown care about amateurs’ opinion ... no, they have an idea and set to work. We should do the same.

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Day 41: Book characters

Between You, Me and the Lamp Post

Day 41: Book characters

Aspiring actors are given the advice to avoid typecasting. Only being able to portray one type of character might lead to the audience quickly becoming bored with that actor. 

Aspiring authors would do well to follow the same advice. Writing about the same subject over and over again will make the story predictable. Some very talented authors can get away with it, weaving a completely different story while writing about their favorite subject.

Among others, Jilly Cooper can do this. Whether she writes about Rupert Campbell Black’s antics in 'Riders' or an emotionally abused grandma in 'Jump', somewhere along the line a horse is playing a part, but the stories are very different.

Author X (she shall remain nameless) is not such an author. Even though she is famous and has quite a few million in her bank account, all her books are more or less the same.

Author X’s books summarized:

The main character is filthy rich. He’s not just a millionaire, he’s a billionaire. While it can be nice to read about people with pots of money, it can also become rather annoying. Especially for those whose bank account lacks a couple of zeros.

Supporting characters work themselves into a stupor. Working 18 hours a day is part of the package in clawing their way to the top.

After work, they attend parties (only movers and shakers invited of course) where they drink copious amount of champagne and sniff a few lines of coke. I have no experience with coke-sniffing, but on the few occasions that I looked too deep into a glass, I had such a hangover the next day that I was in no condition to go to work. 

When the supporting characters come home from the party they have steamy sex for hours on end. This really makes me wonder. If they worked an 18-hour day and got wasted at a party, how do they manage to romp around until the wee hours of the morning? When do these people actually sleep?

Still on the subject of sexual escapades … the men are always ready for action and the women have multiple orgasms. I have a little trouble believing that too. I think it’s far more likely that a woman who’s been on her feet since the crack of dawn is far more likely to utter the words “Not tonight honey”.

While the men and women sleep their way around New York, Los Angeles, London, Sidney, and a few other cities, they don’t give a second thought to sexually transmitted diseases. They meet someone who can help them reach their goal and hup, they’re between the sheets. Whatever happened to women making it on their own? Isn’t it a little degrading that they still use sex as a means of advancement?

The men in author X’s stories invariably look like George Clooney. I can only sigh and shake my head at the comparison. I mean really, is there only one attractive man on earth? Personally, I don’t see what the big deal is. I’ve seen Clooney in his early years in the TV series ‘E.R.’ and in movies such as ‘Up in the Air’ and ‘The Descendants’ and I see nothing special. He’s a good actor, but as far as looks are concerned he’s not my cup of tea.

The women in author X’s stories are always chic and glamorous. They wear designer clothing (of course, if you worked 18 hours a day in a power job you could afford designer labels too), their hair is always smooth and sleek no matter what the weather conditions are, and short of mascara and a bit of lip gloss they wear no makeup. They are blessed with natural beauty.

Darn, I wish I was blessed with natural beauty. When there’s moisture in the air my hair turns frizzy no matter what I do. 

As for makeup, I need the full nine yards. If I was to just use a bit of mascara and lip gloss I’d look like death warmed up.

While some people will undoubtedly enjoy a story about millionaires and their entourage, that doesn’t mean that author X has to be the sole provider of those stories. Can’t she write about something else? Can’t she come up with anything else than billionaire men and slutty women?

Day 37: One dimensional vs. three dimensional

Between You, Me and the Lamp Post

Day 37: One dimensional vs. three dimensional

A few weeks ago, I had an idea for a story. A supernatural story. It’s a stretch for me, as I’ve never written anything like it before, but every now and then one must think outside the box.

For twenty chapters everything went fine, the story practically wrote itself. But then I hit a snag ...

A fellow writer said that someone had read her manuscript and found that her characters were too one dimensional. That she should make them three dimensional.

This got me thinking ... were my characters one dimensional? If they were, what could I do to make them three dimensional?

I posted this question in a writers group on Facebook but only got one satisfactory answer. Nick B said:

Imagine one-dimensional to be a shopping list.

Imagine three-dimensional to be a restaurant review.

Okay, I understood that I had to describe my characters in more detail. The question now was, how much is too much?

Take Barbara Taylor Bradford for instance. She is a well known and respected author of 35 novels. The first book I ever read of her was ‘A Woman of Substance’ which I loved. Since then I read numerous of her other books but eventually stopped reading her. 

Her stories were too detailed for my taste. Every outfit one of her characters wore was described in detail, as was the scenery and the meals. It was just too much for me. I didn’t need to know what kind of dress Laura wore, what she carried in her handbag, and what she had for dinner.

The opposite can be said of Lisa Jewell and her book ‘Trust Me’. All her main character wore was sweatpants and a t-shirt, day after day after day. All she ate was pizza, and over the course of the story, she drank liters and liters of wine. I wonder how this woman got anything done because she was either drunk or suffering from a hangover.

This makes me wonder how I should describe the characters in my latest story. Should I describe what they wear? What their home looks like? What they think, how they react? How much does the reader want to know?

I considered having the story proofread, but this will be of little or no help. Some people like a detailed description while others might think ... okay, just get on with it.

Another thing that confuses me is ... show, don’t tell. I’m not showing a story, I’m telling a story, so what’s wrong with that? If readers want a story shown, they can buy a picture book. When I buy a book, I’m interested in how the author tells the story.

Yeah yeah I know, as a writer I need to describe the places, the people and their feelings and emotions. But once again, how much is too much?