Between You, Me and the Lamp Post
Day 41: Book characters
Aspiring actors are given the advice to
avoid typecasting. Only being able to portray one type of character might lead
to the audience quickly becoming bored with that actor.
Aspiring authors would do well to follow
the same advice. Writing about the same subject over and over again will make the
story predictable. Some very talented authors can get away with it, weaving a
completely different story while writing about their favorite subject.
Among others, Jilly Cooper can do this.
Whether she writes about Rupert Campbell Black’s antics in 'Riders' or an
emotionally abused grandma in 'Jump', somewhere along the line a horse is
playing a part, but the stories are very different.
Author X (she shall remain nameless)
is not such an author. Even though she is famous and has quite a few million
in her bank account, all her books are more or less the same.
Author X’s books summarized:
The main character is filthy rich. He’s
not just a millionaire, he’s a billionaire. While it can be nice to read about
people with pots of money, it can also become rather annoying. Especially for
those whose bank account lacks a couple of zeros.
Supporting characters work themselves
into a stupor. Working 18 hours a day is part of the package in clawing their
way to the top.
After work, they attend parties (only
movers and shakers invited of course) where they drink copious amount of
champagne and sniff a few lines of coke. I have no experience with coke-sniffing, but on the few occasions that I looked too deep into a glass, I had
such a hangover the next day that I was in no condition to go to work.
When the supporting characters come home
from the party they have steamy sex for hours on end. This really makes me
wonder. If they worked an 18-hour day and got wasted at a party, how do they
manage to romp around until the wee hours of the morning? When do these people
actually sleep?
Still on the subject of sexual escapades
… the men are always ready for action and the women have multiple orgasms. I
have a little trouble believing that too. I think it’s far more likely that a
woman who’s been on her feet since the crack of dawn is far more likely to utter
the words “Not tonight honey”.
While the men and women sleep their way
around New York, Los Angeles, London, Sidney, and a few other cities, they don’t
give a second thought to sexually transmitted diseases. They meet someone who
can help them reach their goal and hup, they’re between the sheets. Whatever
happened to women making it on their own? Isn’t it a little degrading that they
still use sex as a means of advancement?
The men in author X’s stories invariably
look like George Clooney. I can only sigh and shake my head at the comparison.
I mean really, is there only one attractive man on earth? Personally, I don’t
see what the big deal is. I’ve seen Clooney in his early years in the TV series
‘E.R.’ and in movies such as ‘Up in the Air’ and ‘The Descendants’ and I see
nothing special. He’s a good actor, but as far as looks are concerned he’s not
my cup of tea.
The women in author X’s stories are
always chic and glamorous. They wear designer clothing (of course, if you
worked 18 hours a day in a power job you could afford designer labels too),
their hair is always smooth and sleek no matter what the weather conditions
are, and short of mascara and a bit of lip gloss they wear no makeup. They are
blessed with natural beauty.
Darn, I wish I was blessed with natural beauty. When there’s moisture in the air my hair turns frizzy no matter
what I do.
As for makeup, I need the full nine yards. If I was to just use a bit of
mascara and lip gloss I’d look like death warmed up.
While some people will undoubtedly enjoy
a story about millionaires and their entourage, that doesn’t mean that author X
has to be the sole provider of those stories. Can’t she write about something
else? Can’t she come up with anything else than billionaire men and slutty
women?
