Day 44: A new assignment

Between You, Me and the Lamp Post

Day 44: A new assignment

They say that all beginnings are difficult and I can attest to that. Take yesterday for instance …

I started a new temp assignment and was sent to 2266 Raspberry Street (not a real address). I looked up the address on Google to find out how to get there and felt confident that all would go well. It didn’t.

For starters, I missed my bus stop. Even though I knew where I was going, I didn’t know exactly where to get off the bus. When it reached Sheppard Avenue though, I knew I’d gone too far and had to backtrack.

After getting off at the right stop, I had to find Raspberry Street, which was easy enough and so was locating number 2266. 

The trouble started when I tried to get into the building. The doors had a security lock and one needed a passcode to get in. Hm, now what? There was no phone to call anyone and there was nobody around.

That’s when I spied two gardeners at work. I tried to persuade one of them to let me into the building, but I was met with ‘Sorry, no English’. Well, I didn’t speak Spanish, so now what? Eventually the gardener’s supervisor showed up, he did speak English and let me into the building.

From there on everything went smooth. I was shown to my work spot, explained what to do and even though it was all new to me I was confident that I could handle it. As a temp one has to be adaptable.

Around 10:00 a.m. I felt like a coffee, but … there was no coffee available. Neither was there tea, juice or even water. My goodness, talk of a problem! So I made my way to the nearest gas station where that boasted ‘Coffee on the go’. Perfect. The coffee wasn’t all that great, but it was better than nothing.

This is why I prefer working in downtown Toronto rather than in the suburbs. Downtown has everything: coffee shops, eateries, and a variety of stores. It has happened that I forgot my comb or lipstick. It may not seem like an emergency to you, but it is to me. If I can't comb my hair I look like Medusa and if I can't touch up my lipstick I look like death warmed up. It's also nice to be able to pick up a lunch, a snack, or anything else one might need.

Anyway, I battled my way through the day, doing this, that and the other, and made it to 4:00 p.m., home time. When I exited the building, I noticed it was pouring rain. A deluge you might say. Now what? I had to make it to the bus stop, but I couldn’t possibly leave the building under these conditions. I had to wait it out until the rain eased up a bit.

When I saw the bus coming, I knew, it’s now or never. Rain or no rain, I had to catch this bus because who knew when there would be another one. Ready, set, go … I sprinted across the tarmac to the bus stop and made it with seconds to spare.

I wasn’t the only one who got caught in the rain, people were dripping everywhere. One or two had brought an umbrella, which I should have done too, but who thinks of taking along an umbrella when the forecast is sunny with 20% chance of rain? Cold and wet I took a seat and shivered all the way home.

Today, things went a lot better. I got off the bus at the right stop, been given a fob I managed to get into the building, and to be on the safe side I brought a jacket and an umbrella. And what’d you think, it’s warm, it’s sunny, with not a cloud in sight.

Day 43: Writers, are you getting ripped off

Between You, Me and the Lamp Post

Day 43: Writers, are you getting ripped off

This might be of interest to self-published writers everywhere.

Have you noticed that your sales are down? Mine are. For a while I did fairly well, I was by no means competition for James Patterson, but there was a steady flow of sales.

Then suddenly, I noticed a decrease. At first, I thought it was because of summer. People are more likely to do some gardening, go swimming, or get together with family and friends when the sun is shining rather than curling up with a book.

As I found out a few days ago, it’s wasn’t the sun who was to blame for my lack of sales, but several pirate sites. One of these sites is Lucentfun.com https://signup.lucentfun.com

Lucentfun and other pirate sites offer free download of books. Mine are all there. Other sites have my books as well.

I wasted no time. I contacted several of these pirate sites and threatened them with legal action if my books weren't taken down immediately. How much effect this will have, I don’t know. Maybe they will take the books down, maybe they won’t. Maybe they will take them down and later put them back up again.

Lucentfun claims that all books are free, but anyone who wants the read anything has to sign up with their site and provide credit card information.

How do I know of these pirate sites ... because I’m subscribed to Google alert. Anytime any of these pirate sites offers my books for free, I get a notification.

If they were to offer only the books of well-known authors, I wouldn’t care as much. Authors such as James Patterson, Stephen King, Dan Brown or Danielle Steel sell millions of books and probably won’t care if someone offers free copies of their work. What do they care about a dollar or two? For self-published writers though, they do care.

Not only do I care about lost income, but I also care about my books’ Amazon ranking. If someone buys a book, the book goes up in ranking and make no mistake, readers do care about ranking, especially if it’s a book by an unknown writer/author.

I have a few favorite authors and when any of them releases a new book, I don’t care about the ranking. I know the story will be good. However, when none of my favorites have anything on offer, I go looking for something else. That’s when I do care about the ranking, the stars awarded and the readers’ reviews.

Not that the reviews are always to be trusted, after all, what’s good for the goose is not necessarily good for the gander. Reviews are up to a certain point valuable though. If I read a review that rates the book ‘absolute rubbish’ or ‘a complete waste of time’ I’m not likely to buy it.

So, not only do these pirate sites rob self-published writers from their royalties, they also rob them from potential reviews.

Day 42: Why do women need multiple pairs of shoes

Between You, Me and the Lamp Post

Day 42: Why do women need multiple pairs of shoes

The other day I overheard a man say to his wife ... "Why do you need another pair of shoes? You have three pairs already."

It might be difficult for some men to understand why women buy multiple pairs of shoes, but it makes perfect sense to women. A variety of shoes is needed for a variety of reasons. The number one reason being, women need them.

Imagine wearing brown shoes under brown trousers ... a stylish combination. Now imagine wearing those same brown shoes with a black pencil skirt ... a fashion disaster. Shoes need to be coordinated with the outfit.

Women need flat shoes and heeled shoes, pumps and sandals, walking shoes and stepping out shoes, boots, and sneakers.

In addition, shoes can have an impact on how a woman feels. If, for instance, she has a meeting with a client, she will reach for a shoe with a heel because heels give her a sense of power and confidence.

Other women wear beautiful shoes to attract attention. Not male attention, because men seldom notice a woman's shoes, but female attention. What can be nicer than sitting down somewhere, crossed legged, casually bouncing a dangling foot and hearing the words 'Nice shoes' from a passing woman?

Shoes make legs also look more beautiful. If you were to see a woman in a dress, wearing sneakers chances are you wouldn't give her a second look. Yet let that same woman wear cute little sandals under that very same dress and she might be on the receiving end of wolf-whistles. Men might not notice shoes, but they do notice legs.

Shoes also have an uplifting effect on a woman's mood. Let her walk around in flats and she will feel ordinary. Let her slip her feet in heels and she will feel sexy. For instance, there's something about a pair of red shoes that can turn a conscientious office worker into a little flirt.

Women also love shoes because they always fit. Trying on shoes is not a struggle in a tiny cubicle where the fit may or may not flatter, shoes are guaranteed to make a woman look and feel good.

Finally, high heel shoes are the solution to, shall we say, petite women everywhere. Those extra few inches lift them up to where they want to be.

Then again, what woman needs a reason to buy a pair of shoes? They are cute, they come in some many different styles and colors and when a shoe store has a sale going on, what woman can walk away?

Day 41: Book characters

Between You, Me and the Lamp Post

Day 41: Book characters

Aspiring actors are given the advice to avoid typecasting. Only being able to portray one type of character might lead to the audience quickly becoming bored with that actor. 

Aspiring authors would do well to follow the same advice. Writing about the same subject over and over again will make the story predictable. Some very talented authors can get away with it, weaving a completely different story while writing about their favorite subject.

Among others, Jilly Cooper can do this. Whether she writes about Rupert Campbell Black’s antics in 'Riders' or an emotionally abused grandma in 'Jump', somewhere along the line a horse is playing a part, but the stories are very different.

Author X (she shall remain nameless) is not such an author. Even though she is famous and has quite a few million in her bank account, all her books are more or less the same.

Author X’s books summarized:

The main character is filthy rich. He’s not just a millionaire, he’s a billionaire. While it can be nice to read about people with pots of money, it can also become rather annoying. Especially for those whose bank account lacks a couple of zeros.

Supporting characters work themselves into a stupor. Working 18 hours a day is part of the package in clawing their way to the top.

After work, they attend parties (only movers and shakers invited of course) where they drink copious amount of champagne and sniff a few lines of coke. I have no experience with coke-sniffing, but on the few occasions that I looked too deep into a glass, I had such a hangover the next day that I was in no condition to go to work. 

When the supporting characters come home from the party they have steamy sex for hours on end. This really makes me wonder. If they worked an 18-hour day and got wasted at a party, how do they manage to romp around until the wee hours of the morning? When do these people actually sleep?

Still on the subject of sexual escapades … the men are always ready for action and the women have multiple orgasms. I have a little trouble believing that too. I think it’s far more likely that a woman who’s been on her feet since the crack of dawn is far more likely to utter the words “Not tonight honey”.

While the men and women sleep their way around New York, Los Angeles, London, Sidney, and a few other cities, they don’t give a second thought to sexually transmitted diseases. They meet someone who can help them reach their goal and hup, they’re between the sheets. Whatever happened to women making it on their own? Isn’t it a little degrading that they still use sex as a means of advancement?

The men in author X’s stories invariably look like George Clooney. I can only sigh and shake my head at the comparison. I mean really, is there only one attractive man on earth? Personally, I don’t see what the big deal is. I’ve seen Clooney in his early years in the TV series ‘E.R.’ and in movies such as ‘Up in the Air’ and ‘The Descendants’ and I see nothing special. He’s a good actor, but as far as looks are concerned he’s not my cup of tea.

The women in author X’s stories are always chic and glamorous. They wear designer clothing (of course, if you worked 18 hours a day in a power job you could afford designer labels too), their hair is always smooth and sleek no matter what the weather conditions are, and short of mascara and a bit of lip gloss they wear no makeup. They are blessed with natural beauty.

Darn, I wish I was blessed with natural beauty. When there’s moisture in the air my hair turns frizzy no matter what I do. 

As for makeup, I need the full nine yards. If I was to just use a bit of mascara and lip gloss I’d look like death warmed up.

While some people will undoubtedly enjoy a story about millionaires and their entourage, that doesn’t mean that author X has to be the sole provider of those stories. Can’t she write about something else? Can’t she come up with anything else than billionaire men and slutty women?

Day 40: Conversations I have with my computer

Between You, Me and the Lamp Post

Day 40: Conversations I have with my computer

Do you talk to your computer? Don’t be too quick to roll your eyes and say “No”. I did the same thing.  Someone asked me the other day if I ever talk to my computer and I laughed “Of course not”. 

I admit, I talk to my cats and on one or two occasions I’ve talked to plants, but talking to my computer … I haven’t completely lost my marbles. But then I started paying attention and to my horror, I discovered that I do talk to my computer – quite a lot actually.

It starts in the morning. I press the “on” button and drum my fingers waiting for the machine to be ready for action. If it takes too long, I say “Jeez, but you’re slow today”. When the opening scene of Windows pops up I greet it with a “Finally”.

The first thing I do is open my Gmail account. “Fifty-three messages! You’ve got to be kidding me!” Most of them are spam and they swiftly get deleted.

Next, I open Facebook and have a look who did what. Got to stay up to date, right?

And then I open MS-Word and prepare for a day of writing. Most of the time Word cooperates, but every now and then things go wrong and that’s when the conversations start.

When I try to open a file and the computer tells me “File cannot be found” I reply with “What’d you mean file cannot be found? I worked on it yesterday. Oh, don’t tell me you lost it!”  After a few more futile attempts I let the computer have it ... “You stupid machine. You know this never happened when I worked with a typewriter. Whatever I wrote was there. He never lost a file.”

Sometimes when I want to open a particular document I get the message “File cannot be opened”, to which my reaction is ... “And why not?”  Sooner or later I find out the reason and then crawl into my shell with an ... “Oh”.

Moving on. Say I want to find a certain word.  I click the “Find” button and type in what word I’m looking for. Before long I get the message “Word not found”. I fly off the handle again ... “Word not found ... Word not found! I know I put it in there. How can you not find it?  Oh wait a minute, maybe it was another file.”

Where it comes to saving files I recently got into trouble. I clicked “Save as” and accidentally saved over a file I didn’t want to save over. Of course, the computer got it.  “You stupid machine!  I didn’t want to save over that file. Why didn’t you give me a warning? Why didn’t you ask ‘Are you sure?’ Oh, now I have to start all over again.”

After I’ve done some work, I return to my Gmail account to reply to messages.  While typing it has happened that I accidentally hit the wrong key and the message gets sent. Uh oh, now the computer is really in trouble. “What did you do that for? That message wasn’t ready to be sent. Oh, what have you done!”

It’s a good thing a computer can’t talk back, because after all the abuse my computer takes, I think I would get an earful along with “Language Conny, language!”

On days like that, I miss my typewriter.  It might have been slower, but it was so much safer.  Much as I love my computer (yes I do) I still think he deserves his name ... F.R.E.D.  (Fucking Rotten Electronic Device).

Day39: Did I do that?

Between You, Me and the Lamp Post

Day39: Did I do that?

I have a little magnet calendar on my fridge. Every day it shows a cute cat or kitten, or a quote. 

Yesterday it was this ...

Today it’s this ...

And yesterday it was a quote by Chris Evans:

“Cats are an example of peace and tranquility”

Hm, no offense to Chris Evans but she obviously has never met Halley and Greyson. Oh the both of them are peaceful and tranquil when they’re asleep, but when they’re awake ... hold on to your hat.

Take this morning for instance. The both of them were racing around the place at full tilt. They sprinted from the bedroom through the living room onto the balcony, only to return from the balcony via the kitchen, into the living room and back to the bedroom.

Charlotte and Holly stayed out of their way, as did I, because – not having breaks on their paws – they are an accident waiting for a place to happen.

Charlotte

Holly

Usually, nothing happens, Halley and Greyson eventually get tired and go to sleep. Today was different.

The balcony door had been open all morning. When I went to shower, I closed the door because I don’t like to leave them unsupervised. The balcony is perfectly safe, protected by double netting, but still, you never know what could happen.

Having finished my shower and morning routine, I came into the kitchen, Greyson saw me and got such a fright that he took off like an arrow from a bow and ran straight into the screen door. It’s a good thing I hadn’t closed the glass door, or he could have been hurt.

As it was, when he saw what he did he sped to by bedroom, dived under the bed and stayed there for a good ten minutes. When I went to check on him, the poor thing sat there with eyes as big as tea saucers.

I tried to coax him to come out but ah ah, he was having none of it. Eventually, he left his hiding place, slowly, carefully, placing one dainty paw in front of another. It’s never taken him that long to get from the bedroom to the living room.

When he went to take a look at the balcony screen door, or rather where the balcony screen door used to be, it was with a lot of sniffing and head bobbing. He gave a good impression of Steve Urkel’s ... Did I do that?

Day 38: The Peraglow Scam – How to Cancel Your Payment

Between You, Me and the Lamp Post

Day 38: The Peraglow Scam – How to Cancel Your Payment

It could happen to anymore. It might have happened to you and it definitely happened to a lot of other people.

Peraglow offers a moisturizer for only $7.49 and while you place your order, they trick you into buying a serum as well, also for $7.49.

You might think that you make a good deal, but you’ve been scammed.

Not only is Peraglow inferior to other creams, once they have your credit card number you get billed $80 a month.

Not to worry, you can get out of this scam. Here’s what to do:

First of all, call your credit card company, cancel your card and request a new one.

Call Peraglow at 1-888-622-8765 and cancel your order. Ask for the name of the person you are speaking to and obtain a cancellation number.

Call your credit card company back and give them the name of the Peraglow representative and the cancellation number.

It is important that you do this because cancelling your credit card is not enough. Peraglow can claim that you never canceled. This is why you have to call back your bank and give them the name of the person you spoke to and the cancellation number.

Know that your order of $7.49 is not the end of it. Your credit card will be billed month after month for $80. So it’s important that you call your bank now, and follow the steps explained earlier.

All those who fell for the Peraglow scam really should have known better. They claim that Tom Cruise was putting his acting career on hold to support his wife with her Peraglow cosmetics line. 

Next, they stated that Chris Hemsworth was saying goodbye to his acting career to support his wife with her Peraglow cosmetics creations.

The Peraglow company took it a step further though. Not merely content with Hollywood celebrities, they claimed that Kate Middleton, the Duchess of Cambridge was taken time away from the Royal Family to concentrate on her Peraglow skincare line.

Nonsense, pure nonsense.

What I wonder about though is ... why don’t these celebrities fight back? Surely, they know that their names are being used in a scam.

For future reference, whenever you're in doubt about a product or service visit the Snopes or Better Business Bureau (BBB) for information. You'll find the answer there.

https://thecopcart.com/peraglow-cream-reviews/

http://www.fox13news.com/consumer/scammers-using-likeness-of-a-list-celebs-in-fake-skincare-ads

https://www.snopes.com/news/2017/05/26/skin-care-free-trial/

https://nationalpost.com/entertainment/skin-care-scandals