Day 40: Conversations I have with my computer

Between You, Me and the Lamp Post

Day 40: Conversations I have with my computer

Do you talk to your computer? Don’t be too quick to roll your eyes and say “No”. I did the same thing.  Someone asked me the other day if I ever talk to my computer and I laughed “Of course not”. 

I admit, I talk to my cats and on one or two occasions I’ve talked to plants, but talking to my computer … I haven’t completely lost my marbles. But then I started paying attention and to my horror, I discovered that I do talk to my computer – quite a lot actually.

It starts in the morning. I press the “on” button and drum my fingers waiting for the machine to be ready for action. If it takes too long, I say “Jeez, but you’re slow today”. When the opening scene of Windows pops up I greet it with a “Finally”.

The first thing I do is open my Gmail account. “Fifty-three messages! You’ve got to be kidding me!” Most of them are spam and they swiftly get deleted.

Next, I open Facebook and have a look who did what. Got to stay up to date, right?

And then I open MS-Word and prepare for a day of writing. Most of the time Word cooperates, but every now and then things go wrong and that’s when the conversations start.

When I try to open a file and the computer tells me “File cannot be found” I reply with “What’d you mean file cannot be found? I worked on it yesterday. Oh, don’t tell me you lost it!”  After a few more futile attempts I let the computer have it ... “You stupid machine. You know this never happened when I worked with a typewriter. Whatever I wrote was there. He never lost a file.”

Sometimes when I want to open a particular document I get the message “File cannot be opened”, to which my reaction is ... “And why not?”  Sooner or later I find out the reason and then crawl into my shell with an ... “Oh”.

Moving on. Say I want to find a certain word.  I click the “Find” button and type in what word I’m looking for. Before long I get the message “Word not found”. I fly off the handle again ... “Word not found ... Word not found! I know I put it in there. How can you not find it?  Oh wait a minute, maybe it was another file.”

Where it comes to saving files I recently got into trouble. I clicked “Save as” and accidentally saved over a file I didn’t want to save over. Of course, the computer got it.  “You stupid machine!  I didn’t want to save over that file. Why didn’t you give me a warning? Why didn’t you ask ‘Are you sure?’ Oh, now I have to start all over again.”

After I’ve done some work, I return to my Gmail account to reply to messages.  While typing it has happened that I accidentally hit the wrong key and the message gets sent. Uh oh, now the computer is really in trouble. “What did you do that for? That message wasn’t ready to be sent. Oh, what have you done!”

It’s a good thing a computer can’t talk back, because after all the abuse my computer takes, I think I would get an earful along with “Language Conny, language!”

On days like that, I miss my typewriter.  It might have been slower, but it was so much safer.  Much as I love my computer (yes I do) I still think he deserves his name ... F.R.E.D.  (Fucking Rotten Electronic Device).

Day 2: Choosing a laptop

Between You, Me and the Lamp Post

Day 2: Choosing a laptop

Yesterday I mentioned that I had purchased a new laptop. Today I would like to tell you how that purchase came about.

My old laptop was getting really slow. Whether it was starting up, shutting down or opening programs, it took forever. After a few weeks, I got so fed up that it became clear that my laptop’s days were numbered.

While I was downtown Toronto I dropped by Best Buy and had a look at their laptop section. Oh my goodness and what a joy, there were so many models I flitted from one laptop to another like a butterfly flutters from flower to flower.

It soon became clear though that not all laptops were suitable. Some were too small, others too expensive, while with others still, I didn’t like the keyboard.

The keyboard of a laptop is very important to me. I insist on soft touch. So when I saw a computer I liked I pretended to type something, to feel the softness of the keys. People who watched me must have wondered what on earth I was up to.

When my son joined me in the store and learned which laptop I liked the best he said not to buy at Best Buy, he had seen that very same laptop at Costco for $100 less.

At Costco the choice in laptops was limited, but since I already had a preference the purchase was made within minutes. Or so I thought. As it turned out, Costco didn’t have that particular model in stock but they did have another model, for $50 more. Fine I would pay the extra $50.

Pleased with my purchase I returned home. My new found joy didn’t last long though. Once the laptop had gone through its formatting and I started typing, the cursor jumped all over the page due to constant contact with the touchpad. I tried to fix it, I tried to disable the touchpad, I even chatted with someone from the Hewlett Packard support team, but the touchpad wouldn’t be beaten. To cut a long story short, I returned the laptop and got a refund.

Back at square one, I went online in search of a computer. After a lot of browsing, I ended up at the Best Buy website where an Acer laptop was on special with a $150 discount. Wow, what a stroke of luck. My current laptop was an Acer and I had been very happy with his service. So why not go again with an Acer?

I placed the order and three days later the laptop arrived, neatly wrapped in protective paper and a firm cardboard box. While the cats checked out the box, the computer was duly formatted for use. 

It took a long, long time for the machine to be ready and when it finally was … what a disappointment. Not only was the new laptop slow, slower than my old machine, but the keyboard was horrible. Horrible with a capital H. It was like typing on an old fashioned typewriter. Not tik, tik, tik, but tok, tok, tok.

I wondered what to do and always came to the same conclusion … the laptop would have to go. If this was something I would use for a day, a week or even a month it wouldn’t have bothered me, but a laptop is good for a few years, and considering the amount of money I spend, I felt that I deserved satisfaction. So, off I went again to return a laptop.

This time I went to a different Best Buy though, one in Scarborough. When I entered the store I thought I had died and gone to computer heaven … so many computers, this store had even more laptops than the one downtown.

Before we could make an exchange though we had to visit the Geek Squad who had to check the laptop. They gave it their seal of approval and now we could go to the customer service counter. 

And would you believe it, we encountered a self-important little bitch (pardon my French). She told us that if we bought another Acer laptop she would agree to an exchange, but if we went for another make of laptop she would not. I tried to reason with her, but the 5 feet something 20 something-year-old would not budge.

Well, we would see about that. She might be a little bitch but I can be a big bitch and this slip of a girl had nothing on me.

At the laptop section of Best Buy I once again flitted around from one model to another. “Too slow,” my son said when I indicated a machine a liked. “Not enough memory,” son dear said when I selected another. 

Eventually, a very nice Indian chap joined us who was of great assistance. So that’s how I eventually selected my dear Fred, a 15” Lenovo with enough memory, suitable speed and a keyboard so soft it feels like typing on marshmallows.

Dieter also liked the machine and decided to get one for himself. So now the nice Indian chap had not made one sale but two. Off he went to find two Lenovo laptops from the storage facility and we waited on one of the couches.

As I sat there and looked around, I wondered why there are only black and silver laptops? Why not blue, or lilac, or even a cheerful yellow. “Because guys won’t buy a colorful computer,” Dieter said. Well, what kind of reasoning was that? Women buy computers too and I’m sure they would prefer a nice color versus a boring black.

Yes, I know, Apple has beautiful white laptops, but an Apple was not in my budget. I looked at one and was on the verge of falling in love when I noticed the price tag … good Lord, did this machine come with a matching printer and desk!

When our nice Indian man returned he had a smile on his face and two boxes in his hands … our Lenovo laptops. Once again off we went to the customer service desk to trade in the Acer laptops and pay for the Lenovo laptops. I wondered what would happen … would the bitchy girl accept the exchange?

Fortunately, the girl was nowhere to be seen and a young man had taken her place. Ah, things were looking up. The man didn’t even blink. He accepted the Acer laptops, prepared payment for the Lenovo laptops and …

Just as the sale was about to be finalized, the bitchy girl made an appearance. She slithered over like a snake and hissed something in the young man’s ear. There was a brief discussion during which I held my breath. If she was about to make trouble, I was prepared to go into battle. She may be head of the customer service, but I was a customer and as we all know, the customer is king (and I felt like a queen). Mentally I put on my boxing gloves ... bring it on little girl.

As things turned out, I didn’t have to say or do anything. The nice young man send her off with a flea in her ear, she made a quick retreat and we walked out with our laptops.

Ah, sometimes life is good.

http://connymanero.weebly.com/blog/day-1-resolutions

Day 1: Resolutions

Between You, Me and the Lamp Post

Day 1: Resolutions

Ladies and gentlemen, meet Fred, my new laptop. Together we’ll try to bring you daily stories. I do say ‘try’ because I might be busy, tired or just have nothing to say.

For a while I had a project going named ‘365 Creative Writing Prompts’ but there was nothing creative about it. To me, creative writing is fictional, and my posts were anything but. So, I’ve said goodbye to that project and I’m starting something new. This new project is called ‘Between you, me and the lamppost’ but that can change. If you can think of something better, I’m all ears.

Anyway, getting a new computer seemed like the perfect time to start a new project and along with this new machine come three resolutions.

First resolution:

I said goodbye to social media. That mainly means I will no longer look at the home feed of Facebook. I will occasionally post something and still play Bingo and Gin Rummy, but I will no longer look at what other people post. Why? Because I’ve had it with seeing pictures of animal abuse.

Whether it’s a cat or a dog, a bunny or a horse, seeing animal abuse makes me so mad I could throw my computer across the room. So, for the sake of my laptop, I rather don’t look anymore.

Second Resolution:

I’m letting go of the past. For far too long events of the past have dragged me down and giving me sleepless nights. Well, no more. From now on, when memories haunt me, I’m going to push them away, I’m done with them. As someone told me ... Visualize an open box, put memories into that box, close it, put the box in a safe and lock the safe. This is my way of locking away those memories.

Third Resolution:

Recently I started a new manuscript and I intend to work on it every day. In the past, my manuscripts have gathered dust and I eventually abandoned them. Starting a new story is easy, but keeping the story going is a lot harder than some people think.

That’s not the only reason I got discouraged with writing though.

Many years ago, self-publishing was a respected business. Proof of that is John Grisham who self-published his first book ‘A Time to Kill’ and was consequently contracted by a mainstream publishing house.

Ever since that success everyone and his auntie have been self-publishing books. Some are good, some are bad, some are downright ridiculous. I read of a woman who’s 6-year-old son published a ‘book’. The book in question counted only 5 pages. 

Fact is, with so many people publishing their works, self-publishing has lost its value. More than that, self-publishing has gained a bad reputation. Far too many people when they see that a book is self-published withdraw and move on to something else.

Still, I won’t let this get me down. I’ve started a new manuscript, the first 18 chapters are done in the first draft, and I fully intent to keep going.

In conclusion … I’ll try to post something every day, but I can’t guarantee it. Some post will be funny, some venting about this or that, some will be animal stories and with some, you might laugh out loud.

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Day 56: Why Use the Plus Sign When Searching the Internet

My Project: 365 Creative Writing Prompts

Day 56: Why Use the Plus Sign When Searching the Internet

With the arrival of the Internet, the world is your oyster.  Unfortunately, it’s not just your oyster, it’s anybody’s and with a pearl of information, you find a whole lot of junk.  Along with reputable companies, advertisers, spammers, bloggers, and other Internet users all vie for your attention.  If you’ve heard of the plus sign and you’re wondering, why use the plus sign searching the Internet, your life is about to become a whole lot easier.

The problem

If you’ve never used the plus sign when searching the Internet, you probably shake your head in frustration wading through pages and pages of useless information.  You know what you want, you formulated your request in your favorite search engine, but you still have to put up with bogus sites, websites with misleading ads, link farms and false listings.

The solution

Next time when you use a search engine, start your search with the plus sign (+).  As an experiment, say that you’re looking for information on owls.  Type “owls” in the search engine and you’ll be presented with 72 million listings.  Now type “+owls” in the search engine and you’ll only get 71,000 listings.  The plus sign removes all the rig raff.

What does the plus sign do?

The plus sign removes (almost) all undesirable info from your search.  The plus sign tells the search engine that whatever you’re looking for has to include the word that you specified.  If you’re looking for owls, the search engine will only bring up information on those birds and will ignore pages that link themselves to info about owls.

Broaden your search

In addition to the plus sign, try broadening your search for a particular item.  For instance, if you’re looking for sugar-free drinks, don’t type just drinks in the search engine. Typing “+drinks” produces about 8,660 results, while “+sugar free drinks” generates only 2,300 results.  Try to be as specific as possible.

Where it goes wrong

Clever advertisers know that subjects such as “love”, “employment”, “pets” and “cars” are hot topics.  They link their marketing pages to those popular sites and as a result, you get flooded with millions of search results.  Fortunately, a few search engines are on to those advertisers and eliminate their ads automatically.  Still, it doesn’t take long to type a plus sign before the word or term you are searching for, letting the search engine know that you are not willing to put up with useless pages.

When it gets worse

You might find that, at certain times of the year, you get presented with more and more junk pages while looking for valuable information.  The problem is obvious, annual celebrations such as Christmas, Valentine’s Day, Mother and Father’s Day bring on a stream of advertisers all trying to lure you to their sites.  

Wonder no longer about why use the plus sign searching the Internet, try it, you’ll be pleasantly surprised and save a whole lot of time finding what you’re looking for.

www.connymanero.weebly.com

Day 13: Letters - Make reference to a famous letter

My Project: 365 Creative Writing Prompts

Day 13: Letters. Make reference to a famous letter

Because of the internet, people today enjoy instant communication. Someone writes an email and within seconds can expect a reply. Or contact someone via chat and create an instant conversation.

While this is a very convenient way of interaction, very few people today know the pleasure of writing a letter and the joyful anticipation of a reply.

When I was a teenager I had several pen pals and waited for the mailman every morning. Sitting by the window, I saw him push his bike up the street and almost from door slip something in the mailbox. Would he have something for me? When I heard a thud in our mailbox I knew something had arrived.

I used to rush through the house, open the small wooden door of the mailbox and fish out whatever was just delivered.

More sweet anticipation followed as I sifted through the envelopes looking for those addressed to me.

Responding to those letters was just as enjoyable. Sitting at the dining room table, a block of crisp white lined paper in front of me and a fountain pen on the side. I use to love the feel of that silky paper and the sound of the pen scratching as it formed letters and words.

I wonder if Napoleon felt the same when he wrote:

My Dearest Josephine, I wake filled with thoughts of you. Your portrait and the intoxicating evening which we spent yesterday have left my senses in turmoil. Sweet, incomparable Josephine, what a strange effect you have on my heart!

Poor man, who knows how long it took for his letters to be delivered and how long he had to wait for a response. I wonder how Josephine felt. Each time Napoleon went off to battle she must have wondered if she'd ever see him again, and a letter would have been a sign of life.

In due time, I moved on from pen and paper to a typewriter. I admired those machines the way my friends admired shoes, boots, and handbags. From behind the showroom window, they beckoned for me to come closer, enticing me with their shiny black, white, mint green or powder blue cases, detailed with black or white keyboards. Side by side they stood, fighting for my attention.

A whole year I saved up part of my pocket money so I could have one of those machines for my very own. Do kids still do that today, save up for something?

I’ll never forget the day when I brought my ‘baby’ home. Using two fingers I could now hammer out letters to my pen pals at a fraction of the time it used to take me.

Over the years my little typewriter was replaced by a much more sophisticated electric machine, followed by several desktop computers and finally laptops.

Does anyone these days still use typewriters or write letters for that matter?

Feel free to comment, I'd love to hear from you.

www.connymanero.weebly.com

Day 6: How we met

Day 6: How we met

We met in a crowded showroom some twenty-five years ago.  I looked at him from afar, and even though I was among hundreds of people, I felt like we were all alone.

He beckoned me to come closer and I felt strangely drawn to him.  As I inched forward I eyed him with suspicion, unsure what to make of this stranger. 

A salesman made the proper introductions and although we got to know each other, I didn’t trust him.  I would find myself staring at him, wondering what secrets he held.

Whenever we met he welcomed me and when it was time to go, he bid me a fond goodbye.  I found myself spending more and more time with him, getting to know him, learning to trust him, until one day we weren’t acquaintances anymore, we had become friends.

My other friends soon became a little jealous, stating that I spent too much time with him. It was true, I did spend more time with him than I did with them, but I didn’t feel guilty, for I could just be myself with him.  He didn’t care about my appearance, whether I was in pajamas or in jeans, whether my hair styled or uncombed, whether I wore makeup or not.  None of these things mattered to him.

We did not always get along, we had our arguments and we had fights.  I accused him of losing things and when he remained stubbornly silent I turned my back on him. My anger usually didn’t last long and we made up quickly. 

Then one day he said he was going to show me the world.  He said that I could ask to go anywhere, anywhere at all.  When I asked him to show me New York, he didn’t hesitate.  He showed me the bright lights of Broadway, the majestic Statue of Liberty, the Empire State Building and so much more. In Hollywood, he introduced me to the hottest movie stars, and in Africa, I could almost touch the ferocious lions and elegant giraffes. 

During our time together he taught me about all the planets through photographs and continued to baffle me with his knowledge. I learned about books and movies, animals and insects, mountains and forests. I couldn’t get enough of him.

Late at night, we played games.  We played Monopoly, Scrabble, Snooker, Poker and much more. Sometimes I won, sometimes he did.  It didn’t matter because we had fun.

Through him, I met other people.  With some, the contact was brief while others became dear friends. Men and women I never would have met if it wasn’t for him. 

Then suddenly he became sick.  He was unable to do anything and I felt so helpless because I didn’t know what was wrong. For the first time in our relationship, he needed me. He needed my help to make him better.

I couldn’t do it myself, but I knew those who could. I paced around the room while he was examined. What if it was something serious? What if he died? How would I ever go on without him? I had grown so used to him, to him being there for me. 

“Not to worry,” they told me.  “It’s a minor problem. It will be fixed in no time.”

That night, when I cuddled up with him, I was especially grateful for having him in my life. We may have been strangers at one time, but now we were very familiar with each other. 

I looked at him and saw my companion, my confidant, teacher, instructor, travel guide and so much more. He was my friend, my best friend. He was ... my first computer.

www.connymanero.weebly.com

Computer virus alert

A few days ago, a long-time friend sent me a picture via Facebook chat. Since I know the man well, I clicked on the picture without any reservations. Nothing happened, so I clicked it again and again, but still the image was not displayed.

Moments later I received a message from Jess asking me what kind of picture I had sent her. She stated “Since we don’t usually chat on Facebook or exchange pictures, I’m a little suspicious.” I commented back that I hadn’t sent Jess any picture.

A string of comments followed. Some Facebook friends were nice and polite about the shared picture, others were rude and even defriended me.

As it turned out, the picture was in fact a virus. My long-time friend’s account was hacked, the picture was shared with all his Facebook contacts (including me) and now the virus was in my Facebook account and was shared with my contacts. Quelle nightmare.

Facebook got wind of this virus, restricted me of using certain features (such as sharing posts) and offered to help by way of a virus cleaning program. I ran the program, but nothing happened. I ran it again and again, but still no luck.

In the end it took Malware Bytes Anti-Malware to clean my computer system.

Still, every day I’m getting emails from people asking me about the shared picture. So, should you get a picture ‘from me’, without any explanation, for heaven’s sake DO NOT CLICK ON IT!!!

www.connymanero.weebly.com

Why Use the Plus Sign When Searching the Internet

With the arrival of the Internet, the world is your oyster.  Unfortunately, it’s not just your oyster, it’s anybody’s and with a pearl of information, you find a whole lot of junk.  Along with reputable companies, advertisers, spammers, bloggers, and other Internet users all vie for your attention.  If you’ve heard of the plus sign and you’re wondering, why use the plus sign searching the Internet, your life is about to become a whole lot easier.

The problem

If you’ve never used the plus sign when searching the Internet, you probably shake your head in frustration wading through pages and pages of useless information.  You know what you want, you formulated your request in your favorite search engine, but you still have to put up with bogus sites, websites with misleading ads, link farms, and false listings.

The solution

Next time when you use a search engine, start you search with the plus sign (+).  As an experiment, say that you’re looking for information on owls.  Type “owls” in the search engine and you’ll be presented with 72 million listings.  Now type “+owls” in the search engine and you’ll only get 71,000 listings.  The plus sign removes all the rig raff.

What does the plus sign do?

The plus sign removes (almost) all undesirable info from your search.  The plus sign tells the search engine that whatever you’re looking for has to include the word that you specified.  If you’re looking for owls, the search engine will only bring up information on those birds and will ignore pages that link themselves to info about owls.

Broaden your search

In addition to the plus sign, try broaden your search for a particular item.  For instance, if you’re looking for sugar free drink, don’t type just drinks in the search engine.  Typing “+drinks” produces about 8,660 results, while “+sugar free drinks” generates only 2,300 results.  Try to be as specific as possible.

Where it goes wrong

Clever advertisers know that subjects such as “love”, “employment”, “pets” and “cars” are hot topics.  They link their marketing pages to those popular sites and as a result you get flooded with millions of search results.  Fortunately, a few search engines are on to those advertisers and eliminate their ads automatically.  Still, it doesn’t take long to type a plus sign before the word or term you are searching for, letting the search engine know that you are not willing to put up with useless pages.

When it gets worse

You might find that, at certain times of the year, you get presented with more and more junk pages while looking for valuable information.  The problem is obvious, annual celebrations such as Christmas, Valentine’s Day, Mother and Father’s Day bring on a stream of advertisers all trying to lure you to their sites.  

Wonder no longer about why use the plus sign searching the Internet, try it, you’ll be pleasantly surprised and save a whole lot of time finding what you’re looking for.

www.connymanero.weebly.com