Between You, Me and the Lamp
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Day 86: Fifty Shades of rubbish
The writer’s group I belong
to is a constant source of inspiration. One of its members, Isaac F., posted a question regarding Fifty Shades. A string of comments followed, but the bottom line is … Fifty Shades
was published because the writer knew someone in the publishing world who owed
her a favor.
I can’t give you my opinion
on the book, because I didn’t bother reading it, but I found this online …
Thanks to my ever-useful Kindle search function, I have discovered that
Ana says "Jeez" 81 times and "oh my" 72 times. She
"blushes" or "flushes" 125 times, including 13 that are
"scarlet," 6 that are "crimson," and one that is
"stars and stripes red." (I can't even imagine.) Ana "peeks
up" at Christian 13 times, and there are 9 references to Christian's
"hooded eyes," 7 to his "long index finger," and 25 to how
"hot" he is (including four recurrences of the epic declarative
sentence "He's so freaking hot."). Christian's "mouth presses
into a hard line" 10 times. Characters "murmur" 199 times,
"mutter" 49 times, and "whisper" 195 times (doesn't anyone
just talk?), "clamber" on/in/out of things 21 times, and
"smirk" 34 times. Christian and Ana also "gasp" 46 times
and experience 18 "breath hitches," suggesting a need for prompt
intervention by paramedics. Finally, in a remarkable bit of symmetry, our hero
and heroine exchange 124 "grins" and 124 "frowns"... which,
by the way, seems an awful lot of frowning for a woman who experiences "intense,"
"body-shattering," "delicious," "violent,"
"all-consuming," "turbulent," "agonizing" and
"exhausting" orgasms on just about every page.
Another writer made the
following statement.
E.L. James, a frumpy little housewife decided one day that
she would write a book. By way of research, she found an erotica book, watched a
porn movie, and then set to work.
When she was finished she
took her work to a publisher who promptly accepted it.
Other writers when they
think their work is ready for publication generally have their work proofread
and edited. Next, they create a synopsis and a sales pitch. Then they contact
one or several literary agents and hope for their work to be accepted. Unfortunately,
before that happens, the writer might get one or several rejection letters.
Under no circumstances does
a writer ever contact a publisher directly because all of them, at least the
respected ones, do not accept unsolicited manuscripts. The writer has to go
through a literary agent.
E.L. James had to do none of
this. She went straight to a publisher and for some reason, her work was
accepted.
She might have sold millions
of books and her work might have turned into a movie, but did she gain respect …
of course not, she became a laughing stock. Everywhere the book gets slammed
and as for the movie … even the cast thought it laughable.
Personally, I think it’s sad
and infuriating that such rubbish got published. Writers the world over do
their best to produce a good story. They think, they write, they toil for hours
to find the right words and tone, they research, and they rewrite their work over
and over to reach near perfection.
When they submit their work
to a literary agent they get rejected over and over and over again. Some take
it in their stride and refuse to give in, others get discouraged and give up.
Fifty Shades was utter
rubbish and was published, your manuscript might be beautifully written, but might be buried in obscurity.
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