Day 82: Writing erotica – (sexually explicit content)

Between You, Me and the Lamp Post

Day 82: Writing erotica – (sexually explicit content)

Do you want a good laugh? Hang out in a writer’s group. You’ll either laugh out loud or if your sense of humor deserts you, you’ll sit there shaking your head at the ridiculousness of it all.

Writers everywhere are trying their hand at erotica. Little do they know that writing erotica is one of the most difficult things to do. If it’s not done correctly, it becomes ridiculous and laughable.

I know quite a few authors, respected mainstream published authors, who purposely avoid sex scenes for this very reason. Yet amateurs think they know better and so … they rush where angels fear to tread.

Take Amanda (not her real name) for instance. She wrote and I quote “his pulsing two-foot manhood ..." His what? Two foot!!! I laughed so hard it brought on a coughing fit. Afterward, I did some research and found the following:

Meet Roberto Esquivel Cabrera. He is 54 years old and lives in the city of Saltillo in northeastern Mexico. He claims to have an 18.9-inch penis.

18.9 inch is 1.5 feet and it looks like this

So, Amanda, it’s quite impossible for your main character to have a two-foot penis. BTW I doubt he’ll see much (sexual) action. What woman could accommodate such a guy?

And this is not the only mistake Amanda made. She also stated that the woman’s perky DDD breasts heaved in desire. If she ever gets any readers the will roll their eyes. Unless they’re made of silicone, DDD breasts are never perky. Has Amanda ever seen DDD breasts? DD breasts look like this, can you imagine what DDD breasts look like ...

Then there’s Steffy (not her real name). Steffy has the nerve to call herself a USA Today bestselling author. Again I did a little research …

To ensure a spot on The Wall Street Journal's Bestseller list, you need to sell about 3000 books in the first week and to hit gold and the New York Times Bestseller list, you'll need 9,000 copies sold in the first week.

As a self-published writer, I doubt Steffy had this much sales. Neither can she lay claim to being a USA Today bestselling author as USA Today has never heard of her.

So, while I’m not exactly an authority on writing, I would urge erotica writers to keep it real. What is wrong with B or C cup breasts? Why does it have to be DDD?

As for a man’s member … call it penis, a dick or a cock, anything but ‘his manhood’, and give him a reasonable size. Gentlemen, don’t feel bad if your member isn’t two feet or even a foot long. I found the following online:

In the Journal of Urology study, researchers found the following among the group of 80 men: An average penis size of 8.8 cm (3.5 inches) when flaccid. An average penis size of 12.9 cm (5.1 inches) when erect.

Then again erotica writers … thank you for the laugh. I’m sure I won’t be the only one who has a chuckle with this.