Day 77: I feel like such a prize idiot

Between You, Me and the Lamp Post

Day 77: I feel like such a prize idiot

Have you ever wondered about the expression ‘You could have knocked me over with a feather’? I have. What could be so bad that a feather could knock over a person? After last Friday I wonder no more.

Shortly before noon, I got a call that went as follows:

“This is Anthony Walters with the RCMP. My badge number is 05J6798. What is your name?”

I gave him my name.

“Ma’am, I’m calling because there is a warrant out for your arrest.”

My breath got stuck in my throat, I could feel the color draining from my face and you could have knocked me over with a feather.

“What are the last three digits of your social insurance number?”

I recited the numbers.

“Ma’am this number has been used to open 16 bank accounts, 3 credit accounts, and you currently owe the bank $3.145.000.”

I nearly fainted.

“In addition, there is a case against you for money laundering. Are you aware of any of these actions?”

I managed to squeak out “No.”

“Well ma’am, that is the information we have and as such you will be arrested.”

“How much do you have in your chequing account?”

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know how much you have in your chequing account?”

“No.”

“How much do you have in your savings account?”

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know that either?”

“No.”

“Could you look it up?”

“No, I don’t know the number.”

At this point, the cable of the landline phone touched the level of the phone and the line went dead. Lord, above I went into a panic. I had just cut an officer of the RCMP off and he had informed me that I would be arrested. I started hyperventilating.

I thought the best thing to do was call the police and state my case that I didn’t have 16 bank accounts, 3 credit card accounts and knew nothing about money laundering. (Save of leaving some coins in the pocket of my jeans).

The officer at the switchboard put me through to ‘Communications’. I stayed on the line for close to 20 minutes and eventually hung up. I would try again later. When I called back the officer told me that the communications division was very busy. He put me through again, and again I waited and waited and waited.

And then I got an idea ... since it was an officer from the RCMP who called me, I would call the RCMP and ask for Anthony Walters.

The officer I spoke to told me that there was no such person as an Anthony Walters. I recited his badge number and he said that there was no such badge number either. When he asked what this was in regard to, I told him in broad strokes about the arrest warrant.

“It’s a scam,” he said. “We’ve had other calls of citizens over the course of the week. Did the caller ask you for money?”

No, he hadn’t, but then again, he didn’t get the chance. I had cut him off.

It was only later when I’d calmed down a bit that I started thinking. Why would the RCMP ask for my name? Surely if there was a warrant out for my arrest they would know that. And why would the RCMP be interested in how much money I have in my chequing and savings account?  

So this was a scam and I feel like such a prize idiot.