Do I have a future as a sexy writer

As I mentioned before, as a freelance writer I’m always on the lookout for new job opportunities. To help me in that quest, I belong to a website that regularly posts titles for articles and product descriptions.

At one time there was a client that posted over 500 titles, requiring a 200 word description of anything and everything that belongs in a kitchen, from an electric mixer to a wooden spoon.
The products didn’t need to be described as such, but rather “sold” to potential buyers, give them a reason to use their credit card.

I picked up quite a few titles and received a 5 bar rating for all of them. The feedback I got from the client was that they loved, not only my sales pitch, but the casual and often funny style with which I highlighted certain features of the product.

Strengthened by this glowing review I felt confident to take on other product descriptions.

When another client posted a batch of 300 titles I glanced over the requirements and they were nothing to sneeze at. Each product description needed only 50 words, but the client listed a string of do’s and don’ts. In was a case of ... do this, do that, don’t do this, don’t do that, make sure of this, make sure of that. I had to read the specifications three times before I could make heads or tails of it.

After looking at the various titles, I picked one for a two slice toaster, wrote a description and sent it off for approval. And ... I got slammed.
This was wrong, that was wrong, this had to be rewritten, that needed some work, etc. So I rewrote the piece and it came back yet again for more revisions. Eventually it was accepted but only received a 3 bar rating (standing for “good”).

I tried another title, this time for a yoga mat and my description came back yet again requiring a revision.
After that I thought ... to hell with it, there’s no pleasing this client. And for what he was paying, it just wasn’t worth the trouble.

Apparently I wasn’t the only one who reasoned this way as the remaining 280 titles sat there untouched. Every now and then a brave intrepid soul picked up a title, but minutes later put it back. Eventually the client removed the titles, nobody seemed interested them.

Next a furniture store posted titles for bed descriptions. This was a direct order, meaning only I could pick up these titles, which I did. At first everything was fine, but after five or six description, the client messaged me that description 1 looked like description 4, and description 2 looked like description 5. He was right but then again, how creative can one be with a bed? It’s a rectangle, it has a wooden or metal frame, it has or doesn’t have a headboard ... there’s really not that much to say about a bed.

Today, yet another client posted a title. Just one title to test the writing site and get his feet wet I suppose. The title ... “Black fishnet jockstrap”. I have to admit, I don’t know much – say nothing – about jockstraps, but there was a picture and the client made no demands, only specified that the description had to be sexy and selling. Okay, I could do that.

So this is what I wrote ...

If you think ordinary underwear is boring, this black fishnet jockstrap is for you. It’s breezy and comfortable and when meeting that special someone, allows a preview of – shall we say – your equipment. While the front plays a peek-a-boo game, the back leaves nothing to the imagination. If you have a firm derriere, you might as well show it off.

The client accepted within 10 minutes, gave me a 5 bar rating (meaning excellent) with the message “Love this!”

Goes to show ... I get slammed describing a two slice toaster, but give me a black fishnet jockstrap and the client is pleased as punch.