Day 16: Are you chicken

Between You, Me and the Lamp Post

Day 16: Are you chicken

Just about everyone, at one time or another, has been asked … ‘Are you chicken?’ While some people might be offended by the question, it doesn’t bother me in the least. I am chicken, I freely admit it.

The first time I was called chicken was in Gold Reef City, Johannesburg, South Africa. We were standing in front of ‘The Golden Loop’ and my mother – ever the daredevil – wanted to go on the ride. She turned to my dad who puffed out his cheeks and shook his head. When she turned to me I did the same, with even more conviction. And with good reason.

During the testing phase of the Golden Loop, the carriage had come off the tracks and flown through the air. Take a look at the photo … do you see that flag at the top of the construction? That’s where it happened. Not ones, not twice, but several times. 

No way was I going on that ride.

The second time was right here in Toronto.

For my parent’s 50^th wedding anniversary, I had booked a table in the restaurant at the CN Tower. After our meal, we went to the lower level of the tower where there the observation deck and the glass floor are located. Mom dared me to walk across the glass floor.

Even though I’ve been assured that the floor is strong enough to hold ten elephants, I didn’t risk it.

A few years later the CN Tower opened ‘The Edge Walk’. An adventure where folks walk on top of the CN Tower. Dieter was all for it.

“How about it?” he asked.

I gave him a look. Wild horses couldn’t drag me up there.

“Chicken,” he said.

Yeah well, better a life chicken than a dead chicken.

I mean, look at what these folks are doing up there. Not a hair on my head even considers doing something so ludicrous!

A few days ago my dear son called me chicken again. He’d seen a video online where the camera first shows a normal sized spider and next shows a Goliath bird-eating spider. He saved the video to show me later. Then again, knowing my fear of spiders he thought it might not be a good idea.

“Is it big?” I asked him.

“Oh yeah,” he said.

“Bigger than a tarantula?”

“Much bigger,” he said. “Its legs are 30 cm (11.8 inches) each.”

OMG, that was a BIG spider. Did I want to see the video?

“Let me think about it,” I said.

“Chicken?” he said.

Yeah well, yes, right now I could only imagine the size of that beast, but if I actually saw it on the video … it might give me nightmares.

I debated for 48 hours and finally decided that I didn’t want to see it. Chicken or no chicken. And would you believe it … even though I hadn’t seen the spider, I had a nightmare about it anyway.

So, the next time someone calls you chicken, don’t get upset, go along with it. From one chicken to another, we’re not scared, we’re just careful. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

  

Day 15: A Funny Story About a Spider

Between You, Me and the Lamp Post

Day 15: A Funny Story About a Spider

I know, it sounds weird … a funny story about a spider? Funny and spider don’t exactly go together. But it’s true. And there’s no need to run for the hills ladies, I’m just as scared of spiders as you are so there won’t be any pictures of the eight-legged monsters.

The picture you see above is where the following story took place. It didn’t happen to me, but to Ray, a close personal friend. In all the years I’ve known him I never caught him in a lie, so take it from me, this is 100% true.

It happened a long time ago when Ray was still a boy. He was on his way home from school in Barberton, South Africa, on a particularly hot day in December. The road was a dusty brown flanked on either side by corn fields.

At one point, Ray got the distinct impression that he was being followed, but when he looked over his shoulder there was nobody there. He walked a few meters more, looked again, but no, he was alone. Or so he thought.

After yet another couple of meters he turned again and this time he looked down and saw that an enormous tarantula was about three meters away from him. Despite the poor condition of the road and the intense heat, Ray took off like an Olympic sprinter.

When he looked behind him, hopeful to be as far away from the spider as possible, he noticed to his surprise that the eight-legged monster was following him, sprinting with all its might. Ray recalled running even faster, panting and praying for help.

When no help came and Ray’s heart, lungs, and legs could no longer keep up the tempo he knew he had to slow down. But he didn’t want to slow down, he wanted to get as far away from the brown-haired spider that was still following him.

In the end, he had no choice. The temperature must have been a scalding 43 degrees C (110 degrees F) and his body was giving up.

Expecting that the tarantula would be upon him within seconds, he looked back and noticed that the spider had slowed down too. When he slowed down even more, so did the tarantula. Finally, Ray came to a stop and so did the spider.

Ray stood there, looking at the beast, completely puzzled. When he had rested a bit he moved forward and so did the spider. Ray was not in the habit of swearing, but he admitted thinking at the time … well, I’ll be damned. When he increased his pace, so did the spider.

Eventually, a few trees came into view and thankful for the cool of the shade, Ray decided to take a break. He was no longer scared of the spider, as it seemed it meant him no harm.

It was no surprise to him that when he rested under the trees, so did the spider. But this time, when he moved further away the spider remained where it was. Ray moved further and further away, but still, the tarantula did not move. After a while, Ray went on his way and the spider stayed behind.

When he got home and told his family about the spider, his mother nodded with understanding. 

“You seem to know why the spider was following me,” Ray commented.

“Of course I do,” his mother said. “The tarantula was hot and was walking in your shadow to stay cool. You said so yourself that as soon as you got to the trees, the spider didn’t follow you anymore.”

It made perfect sense. The tarantula had walked in Ray’s shadow the whole time and increased its pace when he ran faster and slowed down when he slowed down. As soon as they reached the trees it found another source of shade and didn’t need him anymore.

Ray didn’t like spiders but he had to admit, it was a rather ingenious trick and proved that spiders are smarter than he thought. 

The fact of the matter is, Ray said, spiders are more afraid of us than we are of them.

Somehow I seriously doubt that. As I mentioned earlier I’m terrified of them and I have quite a few spider stories. But that’s for another day.