Self defense

Every night before going to bed, I check and double check the locks on the front door.  I was glad I did last night, as around 2:30 a.m. I heard the doorknob being turned.

Despite the fact that I knew both locks were secure, I lay in bed stiff with fright.  Who was that?  What did he want?  If he managed to get in, what could I do? 

The question how would I defend myself stayed with me for some time.

I don’t sleep with a gun, a knife or a baseball bat within reach.  As for the pen being mightier than the sword … I don’t think my Papermate is going to do much damage.

My son has a sword, a Highland design, but it’s not sharpened.  Besides, the thing is so heavy, it takes considerable effort just to lift it,  never mind swing it.

I remembered a friend of mine who, back in South Africa, slept with an ax under her bed.  But axes are so messy and I can’t stand the sight of blood.

So the pen being mightier than the sword might be my best option.  If the burglar has the time, I guess I could write him a story, so boring it would send him packing or lulls him to sleep.

Then again, it might not have been a potential burglar, but simply a drunk or confused soul trying to get home.  I had a similar experience a couple of years ago.

Coming home after a long, hard day at work, I got off the elevator two floors too soon and found myself on the 9^th instead of on the 11^th floor.  I didn’t notice, because the paint on the walls is the same, as is the carpeting on the floor, and the doors to the various units.

Having arrived at the corner unit, I put my key in the lock, but for some reason the key wouldn’t turn.  Strange.  I tried the doorknob, but no luck there either. 

When the door was opened by a strange woman, I thought, “What is she doing in my apartment?”  Then again, this didn’t look like my apartment.

“May I help you?” she said.

I stood there, frowning and gaping at her like a fish out of water.

That’s when I noticed the number on the door – it said 909.  Oops.

So, maybe last night’s visitor was my downstairs or upstairs neighbor, who now has a similar story to tell.

Am I too violent?

There are days that all is right with the world and you feel perfectly happy and content, and then there are days that you could kill someone with your bare hands.  Take a guess what kind of day it is today …

It started last night.  One moment I was sound asleep, with Gabriel next to me and Charlotte by my feet, the next I thought WWIII had started.  A high pitched sound screeched  “PEEP, PEEP, PEEP …. PEEP, PEEP, PEEP …. PEEP, PEEP, PEEP!”  It was the newly installed fire alarm and I hate it with a passion. 

The old fire alarm only sounded in the building’s hallways.  It was loud and sounded like a coffee grinder, but it was bearable.  This new system, that the local fire brigade decided upon is not only MUCH LOUDER but installed in every unit.

Gabriel and Charlotte flew off the bed and went into hiding underneath it, while I tried to drown out the noise by holding a pillow over my head.  The pillow somewhat softened the noise, but it was still too loud to go back to sleep with.

From 3:00 until 3:20 the peeping sound went on, and on, and on.  Finally it stopped and I think everyone in the building let out a collective sigh of relief.

Not for long though, at 3:30 the peeping started again.  If I had had a gun, I would have shot the alarm; if I had a baseball bat, I would have smashed it to pieces; if I had strong muscles I would have ripped the alarm out of the ceiling and thrown it out the window.

Once again I covered my ears, tried to drown out the sound, but it didn’t work.  To distract myself I started counting the series of “PEEP, PEEP, PEEP’s”.  I got to 172.

Finally, the peeping stopped and a voice came over the intercom announcing that the fire alarm was faulty and that the mechanic was on his way. 

If I had my way with the fire brigade whose bright idea this was, and the man who installed this devious device, none of them would be breathing today.

I know, I’m a violent person, but can you blame me?

  

Halloween shopping

Nearly twelve years we’ve been in Canada and for the first time we’re gonna decorate for Halloween. Previous years we may have hung a spooky little something on the front door, or placed a little pumpkin on the coffee table, but that was pretty much it.

Being from Europe we don’t actually celebrate Halloween. In Belgium we observe All Saints on November first and All Souls on November second by way of a trip to the cemetery. No, not to scare the living daylights out of visiting mourners, to place flowers on loved one’s’ graves. A beautiful sight it is too, when the dull cemetery is transformed into a sea of flowers. Mostly white, yellow or purple chrysanthemums .

But not this year, this year we’re throwing our heart and soul into decorating. In preparation for the big day, or big night, we did a little shopping. Most stores were a bit of a disappointment though. Other than a few pumpkins, cauldrons and face masks they didn’t stock any Halloween decorations. So we went to the one store where I thought we might have more luck ... the dollar store.

They usually go all out with their Christmas and Easter decorations, so I figured they would stock an abundance of Halloween decorations too. And I was right, the dollar store held aisles and aisles of decorations: crows, rats, cats, bats, spiders, jack o lanterns, bloody severed limbs, gravestones, etc. etc. etc.
Short of the bloody limbs and the spiders, we got a bit of everything. We walked out of that store with two big bags to the value of $46, so you can imagine.

Part of the decorations will be for home and part will be for our work cubicles.  We can do more decorating at work than we can at home because at work we don’t have five cats roaming around, taking an interest in anything and everything. I mean, we could place some decorations on top of cabinets and tables at home, but how long would they remain standing? Not long, I can tell you that. Birds, rats and cats would be knocked off their socks; bats would take a flying leap; and as for graveyard stones and jack o lanterns ... let’s just say they wouldn’t live long.

So we’ll be doing some decorating tomorrow and the rest will be taken to work. It’s a safer environment for the scary bits there.