Day 65: The Weather - According to my Son

My Project: 365 Creative Writing Prompts

Day 65: The Weather - According to my Son

A few days ago, I had to go out. Even though it was December and presumably cold, before going out I asked my son “Is it cold out there?”

Heaven knows why I asked because I never get an accurate response. Dieter is one of those people who is completely unaffected by the cold. It must be pretty bad before he wears a coat and he never ever wears a hat or a scarf. So really, I don’t know why I bothered checking with him.

When Dieter says it’s nice, that means that I need a light sweater. When he says it’s a little chilly, a warmer sweater is needed. When he says it’s cold, I better bundle up in a coat, scarf, hat, and gloves. And when he says that it’s very cold, that means it’s freezing the balls off a brass monkey.

In summer, his temperature assessment is equally deceiving. When he says that it’s a little chilly, it’s actually quite nice. The kind of day that I can go out in a short-sleeved shirt. When he says it’s warm, that’s my cue to reach for something sleeveless. When he says it’s very warm, that means it’s hot. I can handle the heat up to 28 degrees C (86 degrees F) comfortably, but anything above that is too hot. So, when Dieter says it’s hot, that means outside the birds are falling out of the trees.

I’ll bet now you’re wondering how he describes wind and rain. So, I’ll tell you. When Dieter says, it’s okay, that means there’s a bit of a breeze. When he says there a bit of a breeze, it’s actually quite windy. And when he says it’s windy, there’s a storm going on. Now when he says that it’s very windy ... well, wherever you’re going you’re in danger of being airborne.

As for rain, he certainly can’t be trusted. It’s misty means it’s drizzling. It’s drizzling means it’s raining. It’s raining means it’s pouring. And when he says it’s raining hard there’s practically a hurricane going on.

My weather app on my phone is equally unreliable.

For instance. For today my phone said that it was 12 deg C (54 deg F). I’m sure it was 12/54 degrees somewhere, but it wasn’t in Toronto.

There have been days that the app says that 75% chance of rain is expected and there’s not a drop of water to be seen. Last winter the app predicted 6 cm of snow (a little more than 2 inches) and we got nothing than a light dusting.

Fortunately, even though my son fails to give me an accurate description of the weather and my phone app is frequently wrong, I can always rely on my cats.

When they groom themselves and they wipe a paw behind their ears ... it’s gonna rain. When the wiping involves a triple action, it’s gonna come down in buckets.

On the other hand, if they claw at the furniture or carpets, wind is expected. And believe me, it never fails.

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Snow ... Snow! ... Snow?

For those who haven’t quite decided what to do for a living, or those thinking about a career change, consider becoming a meteorologist.  Anyone qualifies and no experience necessary.

Take for instance yesterday’s weather forecast for Toronto.  The meteorologist predicted that the city was going to get snow.  Not just a few flurries, but the mother of snow storms.  It would snow between midnight and Friday 4:00 p.m. and as much as 6 inches (15 cm) was expected.

Before I continue, I should say that Toronto hasn’t had much of a winter so far.  It hasn’t been really cold and we’ve seen little or no snow.  So now, before it was all over with March around the corner, it was finally going to happen.

Kids rejoiced that they wouldn’t have to go to school.  Workers mentally rubbed their hands at the prospect of a day off.

Me, I was looking forward to a nice thick blanket of snow.  If I wanted a cold winter without snow, I could have stayed in South Africa.

When I woke up this morning I lay for a moment and wondered how much snow had actually fallen.  Would we be able to go to work?  Were the trains running?  If I went to work, would I find the office open or would there be a notice on the door “Closed on account of weather”?

Full of expectation I tiptoed to the window and opened the curtains, expecting to see the fields and trees weighed down with snow.  The cars in the parking lot waiting for the scraper to arrive so they could take their owners to work.   

What I saw was … a grey parking lot, slick with rain.  Where was the snow?  What had happened to the mother of all snow storms?  Where were the 6 inches?  We didn’t get 6 inches, we didn’t get 2 inches, we got nothing!  Nothing at all!!!

Later we heard that the snowstorm had passed us by.  Toronto was supposed to get a storm, but the strong wind had blown the snow elsewhere. 

Was this the first time the Toronto meteorologist got it wrong?  Let me put it this way … liar, liar, I’m surprised your pants isn’t constantly on fire.