Five ice breakers for quelling the first date jitters

These five ice breakers might put you at ease

A first date is difficult for men and women alike. As if where to go, what to do and what to wear isn’t nerve-wracking enough, there are the uncomfortable questions and awkward silences. To ensure that your nerves don’t get the better of you, the following are five ice breakers for quelling the first date jitters.

https://medium.com/writers-blokke/five-ice-breakers-for-quelling-the-first-date-jitters-732bea9fb842

Day 32: Can a marriage survive an affair?

My Project: 365 Creative Writing Prompts

Day 32: Can a Marriage Survive an Affair?

Of all wedding vows, the vow to forsake all others is often the one most married couples have difficulty with.  By the time a couple reaches their silver anniversary, 50 percent of women and 60 percent of men will have had an affair.  Can a marriage survive an affair?  Much will depend on the state of the marriage before and after the occurrence.

Why start an affair?

Contrary to popular belief, the reason men and women start affairs is not sexual but rather emotional.  The majority of men and women cheat on their partners because they feel neglected by their spouse.  Some feel they’ve grown apart and lack an emotional connection, others feel no longer wanted, taken for granted, or misunderstood.

Who is to blame?

Apart from physical abuse, men and women might go looking for love elsewhere because they are no longer willing to put up with the situation at home.

Some husbands, who were attentive to their wives in the early years of marriage might have lost interest in their spouse.  They spend more and more time at work, with their friends, at a sports club or in front of the television.  When they are around, they criticize their wives and lack appreciation for what she does.

Some wives have lost interest in themselves.  At the start of the marriage, they might have made an effort to look beautiful for their husbands, but over the years they let themselves go.  They feel harassed by their job, the amount of housework and the number of children, and don’t have time for their husbands anymore.  When he is around they nag and complain.

Can a marriage survive an affair?

While the spouses might still love each other after an affair, the foundation of their marriage has crumbled.  An affair might be forgiven, but the trust between two people is broken.  If the couple decides to stay together it might take years before that trust http://www.lifescript.com/life/relationships/wreckage/building_trust_in_a_relationship_again.aspx is re-earned. 

  

Life after an affair

After the anger is gone, spouses often suffer from humiliation, poor self-esteem, guilt, and depression.  Most couples split up after an affair, not because they can’t forgive, but because they can’t forget.  The mental image of the one they love with another man or woman haunts them.  They might forever wonder if given the chance if the spouse might stray again.

Does counseling help?

Couples who want to stay together might find counseling helpful.  Not only will they get the guidance to deal with the aftermath of the affair, they will get a chance to dig deep into their history and possibly uncover the reason why the affair started.  Through counseling, the couple will communicate, deal with the past, focus on the present and possibly make plans for the future.

Can a marriage survive an affair?  Some can forgive and forget, for others, the breach of trust is a fatal blow.  What took years to build was destroyed in seconds.

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Day 6: How we met

Day 6: How we met

We met in a crowded showroom some twenty-five years ago.  I looked at him from afar, and even though I was among hundreds of people, I felt like we were all alone.

He beckoned me to come closer and I felt strangely drawn to him.  As I inched forward I eyed him with suspicion, unsure what to make of this stranger. 

A salesman made the proper introductions and although we got to know each other, I didn’t trust him.  I would find myself staring at him, wondering what secrets he held.

Whenever we met he welcomed me and when it was time to go, he bid me a fond goodbye.  I found myself spending more and more time with him, getting to know him, learning to trust him, until one day we weren’t acquaintances anymore, we had become friends.

My other friends soon became a little jealous, stating that I spent too much time with him. It was true, I did spend more time with him than I did with them, but I didn’t feel guilty, for I could just be myself with him.  He didn’t care about my appearance, whether I was in pajamas or in jeans, whether my hair styled or uncombed, whether I wore makeup or not.  None of these things mattered to him.

We did not always get along, we had our arguments and we had fights.  I accused him of losing things and when he remained stubbornly silent I turned my back on him. My anger usually didn’t last long and we made up quickly. 

Then one day he said he was going to show me the world.  He said that I could ask to go anywhere, anywhere at all.  When I asked him to show me New York, he didn’t hesitate.  He showed me the bright lights of Broadway, the majestic Statue of Liberty, the Empire State Building and so much more. In Hollywood, he introduced me to the hottest movie stars, and in Africa, I could almost touch the ferocious lions and elegant giraffes. 

During our time together he taught me about all the planets through photographs and continued to baffle me with his knowledge. I learned about books and movies, animals and insects, mountains and forests. I couldn’t get enough of him.

Late at night, we played games.  We played Monopoly, Scrabble, Snooker, Poker and much more. Sometimes I won, sometimes he did.  It didn’t matter because we had fun.

Through him, I met other people.  With some, the contact was brief while others became dear friends. Men and women I never would have met if it wasn’t for him. 

Then suddenly he became sick.  He was unable to do anything and I felt so helpless because I didn’t know what was wrong. For the first time in our relationship, he needed me. He needed my help to make him better.

I couldn’t do it myself, but I knew those who could. I paced around the room while he was examined. What if it was something serious? What if he died? How would I ever go on without him? I had grown so used to him, to him being there for me. 

“Not to worry,” they told me.  “It’s a minor problem. It will be fixed in no time.”

That night, when I cuddled up with him, I was especially grateful for having him in my life. We may have been strangers at one time, but now we were very familiar with each other. 

I looked at him and saw my companion, my confidant, teacher, instructor, travel guide and so much more. He was my friend, my best friend. He was ... my first computer.

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Let's talk about men

There’s been a lot of talk about men within the past 48 hours.  On-line and off.  I have tried to get my point across and failed miserably.  I can understand why some are confused about me.  On the one hand I readily admit that I don’t like men; yet in the same breath I state that I get along very well with them.  How to explain this?

Jack Nicolson was looking for a few good men. Women all over the world are joining him that quest. How do women know when they find a member of the male species that it's a good one?  They can’t squeeze him for ripeness; they can’t examine him (like they would apples and tomatoes) for brown spots showing signs of decay.  

It seems to me that women, where it comes to men, are rather reckless.
 

Before taking a job, a candidate can research the company on-line or talk to past and present employees.
 

Before buying kitchen appliances, most women read the reviews.
 

Before buying clothes or shoes, the chosen item is tried on for fit and comfort.
 

So why are women who deal with an item they are supposed to keep for life, take a man they meet at face value?

Some might say they don’t, that that’s what dating is for, to get ‘a feel’ for the guy.  True, but not exactly accurate.  How many people – men and women alike - show their true self while dating?  I think it’s safe to say that before going on a date, a man will shower and shave, comb his hair and put on something nice.  In other words, he will show himself from his best side. 

If he steps over the line and swears, gets upset or worse gets a little violent, he will state that he was not himself or that ordinary he is not like that.  And women swallow it.  They are so in love that they don’t see the ‘brown spots’.  And even if they do, the sight of the flowers they get presented with, or the size of the diamond in the engagement ring, will cloud their vision. 

When I say that I don’t like men, it’s because I’ve seen too many bad apples.  Hence my hesitation to ‘buy’ one. 

Over the weekend I talked with Vicky (not her real name).  She got tearful when she admitted to me that she was afraid she was going to end up an old maid.  “Vicky,” I said, “you can’t end up an old maid, you were married and the term old maid is so passé.”  “You know what I mean,” she said, “I’m afraid I won’t find anyone to grow old with, to take care of me.”

That’s when I started to wonder ... why do women get married?  Is it because of love or is it to have some company in their golden years?  Is it for financial reasons?  Is that all that men are good for?  A body to share a space with and to keep the bank account in the positive?  Is that why I steer clear of men?  Because I don’t feel the need for male company and I don’t need to be taken care of?

Do men feel this when they are in my company?  I can laugh and joke around with them.  They know that, unlike Vicky, I don’t want anything from them.  I'm not going to chase them and I don't want to be chased.  They can be themselves, without me being shocked or getting stars in my eyes.

Do I get my point across?  Do you get it?  If you do ... good; if you don’t then I guess you have to know me to understand me.